Audio: Joe Kinnear swears an amazing 52 times in a five-minute rant at the Daily Mirror

***CLICK HERE TO HEAR THE FULL, UNBLEEPED VERSION OF JOE KINNEAR'S RANT (CONTAINS VERY STRONG LANGUAGE)***

Joe Kinnear blew his top yesterday as the pressure of managing Newcastle took its toll - just FOUR days into his reign.

The interim boss launched a furious foul-mouthed tirade using 52 swear words in an amazing five-minute blast because he is angry at the flak he believes has been fired in his direction this week.

The former Wimbledon manager held his first press conference at Newcastle's Benton training ground - and claimed it would be his last.

He immediately slapped a ban on all media, branding reporters "f****** so f****** slimy".

Kinnear also labelled ex-players who have questioned his return to the game as "*****", as he got increasingly irate.

The 61-year-old had an angry exchange with Mirror Sport after we revealed on Tuesday that he gave his first team the day off on his first day in charge.

When told it was a valid issue to raise, Kinnear responded: "It is none of your f****** business. What the f*** are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a f******* manager. F******* day off. Do I want your opinion? Do I have to listen to you?"

Kinnear claimed he's been "ridiculed" for no reason, although he admitted last week fans would be disappointed by his arrival, and that

he only got the job because everyone else turned it down.

He is also serving a two-match touchline ban dating back four years which Newcastle knew nothing about when they appointed him. And he claimed Alan Shearer was waiting to take his job long term, a claim Shearer said was "news to me".

And he admitted to club owner Mike Ashley his reception had been "not the best".

LISTEN TO KINNEAR'S TIRADE IN FULL BELOW

When managers go $&*£%!# mental: click here for video of Mirror.co.uk's Top 10 manager rants

And Joe Kinnear wants his players ranting and raving too...

AND READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPT OF THE RANT:

Kinnear: Which one is Simon Bird?

Bird: Me.

JK: You're a ****.

Bird: Thank you.

JK: Which one is **** *******? You are out of order. Absolutely f****** out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can f*** off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that f****** crap. No f****** way, lies. F***, you're saying I turned up

and they f***** off.

Bird: No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?

JK: I've f****** read it, I've read it.

Bird: It doesn't say that. Have you read it?

JK:"You are trying to f****** undermine my position already.

Bird: Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.

JK: F*** off. F*** off. It's your last f****** chance.

Bird: You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.

JK: What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?

Bird: I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.

JK: You are negative b*******.

Bird: So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss

and tell him I am taking the first day off?

JK: It is none of your f****** business. What the f*** are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a f****** manager. F****** day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?

Bird: No, you can listen to who you want.

JK: I had a 24 hour meeting with the entire staff.

Bird: Joe you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.

JK: No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.

Bird: What? More important things?

JK: What are you? My personal secretary? F*** off.

Bird: You could have done the meeting Saturday night or Sunday? You could have had them watching videos, you could have organised them?

JK: I was meeting the f****** chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things.

Bird: It is a valid point that was made in there. A valid point.

JK: I can't trust any of you.

Journalist: Joe no-one could believe that on your first day at your new club, the first team players were not in. No one could believe it in town. Your first day in the office.

JK: My first day was with the coaches. I made the decision that I wanted to get as much information out of them.

Journalist: But why Monday, no one could believe it?

JK: I'm not going to tell you anything. I don't understand where you are coming from. You delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted are you?

Journalist: Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?

JK: I have done it before. It is going to my f****** lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not f****** about. I don't talk to f****** anybody. Everything I f****** say or do. It is raking up stories. You are f****** so f****** slimy you're are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is f****** sensible. Anyone who had played for me for 10 years at any level you will find some **** that...

Journalist: How long is your contract for Joe?

JK: None of your business.

Bird: Well it is actually, because we cover the club. The club say you are here to the end of October, then you say 6-8 games which would take it to the end of November. We are trying to clarify these issues. We are getting no straight

answers from anyone. How long are you here for. It is a dead simple question. And you don't know...

JK: I was told the length of contract. Then I was told that possibly the club could be sold in that time. That is as far as I know. That's it finished. I don't know anything else. But I have been ridiculed. He's trying to f****** hide, he's trying to do this or that.

Journalist: What happened at your meeting with Ashley?

JK: At the meeting I was asked how did it go, what reception, this that and the other. I told him not too clever. He wanted to know how the team done. I told him. Better second half than we were first half. I asked him what is the situation. Any news or updates on what is going one. He said I have six to eight consortium lined up and that is all I can tell you. That was it.

Journalist: Have you met Mike before?

JK: No?

Journalist: Not even at the Orange Tree pub Totteridge?

JK: You want to get your facts right. Dennis Wise never played under me.

Journalist: None of us have even written that...

JK: Another one you wrote. We met in a pub. We are friends in a pub and that is when it was done, in a pub. Good imagination eh? It is nonsense.

Journalist: We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people *****?

JK: Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that.

Press officer: What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside.

Journalist: Well is that what Joe thinks?

JK: Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't effect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. Won't effect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy can do it, someone else can do it. Don't trust any of you's. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can f*** off. I ain't coming up here to have the **** taken out of me. I have a million pages of **** that has been written about me. I am ridiculed for no reason. I am defenseless. I can't say nothing. I can't do nothing. Then half of you are trying to get into the players... and I am not going to tell you what the players think of you all. So you will think I have a split camp. It just doesn't stop.

Journalist: But it's only been a week!

JK: Exactly. It already feels like it has been a year.

Journalist: It's early days for you to be like this.

JK: This is the last time I'm going to speak to you. You want to know why, I'm telling you. This is the last time. You can do what you like.

Journalist: But this isn't going to do you or us any good.

JK: I'll speak to the supporters. I'm going to tell them what the story is. I'm going to tell them."