Stoke 0-0 Aston Villa: The Daily Mirror match report

Nobody has done more to launch a football into outer space than human catapult Rory Delap.

Fly me to the moon? Just sit back, fasten your seatbelts and get there on Delap airlines – one of his long throws will be taking off from a touchline near you soon.

To infinity and beyond? In a dreadful game which put the zzz into Buzz Lightyear, Delap’s procession of 20 missiles launched into airspace around Villa goalkeeper Brad Friedel’s six-yard box was a triumph of pressure over finesse.

One giant leap for mankind? Not for the first time, watching Stoke was like stepping back into the dark ages.

The Potters are an honest team who have lost at home only to the top three this season, and the Britannia remains the loudest congregation in the church of the Premier League.

But the entertainment value of this colossal yawn was lost in space, and slingshot Delap’s revelation that he plans to see space shuttle Atlantis blast off from Cape Kennedy in May was far more enlightening than the football.

There was the minor sideshow of striker Tuncay Sanli flouncing off in a huff when he was hooked, just eight minutes into the second half, after making little headway against Villa’s excellent central defenders Richard Dunne and James Collins.

Tuncay didn’t hang around for the last 37 minutes, the lucky sod. He vacated the premises in a sulk, although manager Tony Pulis afforded him no sympathy because his replacement, Ricardo Fuller, was miles more threatening.

Once the show pony’s dressage was over, Delap’s long-throw duel with Villa’s own weapon of mass desperation, Carlos Cuellar, became the focal point of a memorial to tedium.

Frankly, it was no contest. Cuellar’s gentle doodlebugs were no match for rocket man Delap, who already has one eye on lift-off at Cape Kennedy now Stoke’s Luftwaffe are all but guaranteed a third term of reaching for the sky.

He said: “I’m hoping to get away with my two boys as soon as the season finishes to see a space shuttle launched at the Kennedy Space Centre on May 14.

“They are mad about space and rockets, but I will have to take them out of school for a few days, which may not go down too well.

“I don’t count my throw-ins every game, but the number I launched today is probably up there with the busiest days of my career – although my shoulders are fine.”

Tuncay’s strop had the air of a man who feels he is being picked on as the most expendable player every time Stoke need a gee-up.

Fans booed his substitution, but unrepentant Pulis insisted: “I don’t have to justify my substitutions to Tuncay, or anybody else, in any shape or form – I do it because I feel it’s right for the team, it’s nothing personal.”

Villa defender Collins, whose vital block to thwart Fuller was one of the few moments pulse rates were lifted higher than a mortuary, said: “It’s a good point – not many teams come here and keep a clean sheet with the amount of big lads, long throws and corners they send into your box.

“Carlos surprised us all with his long throws – we never knew he had that in his locker because we’ve never used it before. But we decided to fight fire with fire, and it caused Stoke a few problems.”

While space may be the final frontier for stargazer Delap, that fourth Champions League spot remains within Villa’s grasp if they stay resilient under fire.