Managerial zombies may wake up to the sack and a real dead cert for the bookies - Derek McGovern's Bets of the Day
There were so many dead men walking yesterday that it was hard to distinguish the Premier League from Dawn Of The Dead.
Dawn Of The Dead, for the uninitiated, is one of the 10 zombie films you must see before you die. The rest you can watch after you die.
Avram Grant, Roy Hodgson, Carlo Ancelotti, Gerard Houllier – you name them, some poor clubs are saddled with them.
Some say it’s no time for their clubs to panic and they’re right – the time to panic was six weeks ago.
After a 5-0 thrashing at Newcastle, it’s impossible to see how Hammers boss Grant can keep his job.
It’s also impossible to see how he got it in the first place.
Whispers from Upton Park suggest the owners are undecided on his future – whether to sack him or shoot him.
Hodgson guided Liverpool to their ninth defeat in 20 league games at Ewood Park on Wednesday when he did more for Blackburn as Liverpool manager than he ever did as Rovers manager.
He hasn’t become a bad manager overnight – it’s taken him a whole career.
Under him, Liverpool have changed their nickname to The Hedgehogs – regularly slaughtered on the road.
They are the only thing falling faster than the price of my house.
Stan James are prepared to offer 6-4 that the ostrich-faced Kop boss is still in charge for the Merseyside derby a week on Sunday - he’s 1-2 not to be there.
On Wednesday, Hodgson wore the look of a man ordered to bed Sharon Osbourne. The Liverpool fans wore the look of men who already had.
The former Fulham chief has hardened to 4-7 favourite for the sack race – six months in Liverpool hardens anyone.
Chelsea’s problems are almost as bad – in a few short weeks they’ve gone from odds-on favourites for the title to 10-1 chances.
It’s been an up-and-down season at Stamford Bridge – for Ancelotti, for Ancelotti’s players and particularly for Ancelotti’s left eyebrow.
The Sky Bet quote of just 9-4 for all three men to have lost their jobs by the end of the month is hardly a vote of confidence.
On Wednesday night, Hills quoted 33-1 for all four men to be out of a job before the next round of Premier League fixtures but shortened those odds to 16-1.
That should tell you a lot and, if it does, can you let me know what.
Next boss to go (Hills): 4-7 Hodgson; 9-4 Ancelotti; 7-2 Grant; 13-2 Houllier.
***
Scientists have claimed one in six people in the UK will live to be 100 – terrible news for pension funds, but fantastic news for muggers.
It means more than 10 million of the current population will get a royal telegram – most from Sarah Ferguson, requesting a loan.
Driving the demographic transformation is improved diet and living conditions, and a decrease in killers of the elderly, such as strokes, heart disease and Harold Shipman.
Figures from the Department for Work and Pensions show we will be overrun by centenarians, who should stay in their own country.
Bookies, however, dispute the latest figures and are happy to put their money where their false teeth are.
If the boffins are right, it is a 5-1 chance for any of us to live to be 100. Yet Hills say they would happily offer 100-1 for any new-born baby to live to be 100, possibly because few of them will have betting accounts.
They say anyone currently 50 years old will be offered 50-1 on their chances of reaching 100 – about the same odds as an Aussie batsman – and anyone now 95 will be offered 5-1.
The Hills formula is to take away your current age from 100 and offer the resulting sum in the form of odds.
This, they say, is a tried and trusted method and has the added bonus of confusing the elderly.
My mate’s father, who was 101 in December, got paid out yesterday at odds of 1-2.
***
BET OF THE DAY
After a serious medical the other day I asked the doctor if I was going to live.
"Yes, he said. "But I don't advise it."
Get on Garry Thompson at 11-10 to beat Jan Dekker in the darts tonight.
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