WAG Week: Botoxed handbags, ring-bearing squirrels, black Winston Churchills and erotically grazed knees

Published 13:55 15/02/10

1) In 2006, arch-WAG Danielle Lloyd competed in an online version of TV game show Test The Nation. Asked: "Who was Winston Churchill: A rapper; US President; The PM; King" she replied: "Wasn't he the first black president of America? There's a statue of him near me - that's black." Alas Danielle had been confused by the black marble statue of Winnie near her home in Woodford Green, Essex.

2) Danielle later explained: “I was planning on going to university until I won Miss England. Believe it or not, I wanted to be a forensic scientist."

3) Danielle once claimed to have left school with nine GCSEs but her headmaster Chris Yates said: "Danielle has over-inflated the quality of her qualifications. She left St Hilda's because the GCSE grades she received would not have been sufficient for her to go on and take A-Levels."

4) Amaia Salamanca, ex-WAG of Real Madrid stars Sergio Ramos and Guti, stars in a Spanish TV show called 'No Paradise Without Tits'.

5) Celebrity Big Brother WAG Nicola T used to have a six-foot blow-up photograph of her breasts above the bed she shared with Bobby Zamora.

6) The couple split when Bobby gave her only a cheque for her birthday. No word on who got custody of the 6ft breasts.

7) When blonde WAG Charlotte Mears moved in with Jermain Defoe she persuaded the England striker to spend £200,000 on a state-of-the-art kitchen with six ovens and two dishwashers - despite being unable to cook.

8) Charlotte later confessed: "I wasn't very good at following recipes but managed spaghetti and lasagne. I found the equipment difficult to operate, though. It was all touch-screen and all I wanted to do was turn an old-fashioned button. Sometimes I couldn't even turn the hotplate on and ended up breaking my manicured nails. It wound me up."

9) In January 2009 viewers of Channel 4's A Place In The Sun saw Charlotte and Jermain shopping for a new holiday home in Portugal. Alas, the couple had split up the previous November after his fling with Danielle Lloyd. Charlotte got over it by treating herself to a boob job which raised her assets from 32C to 32DD.

10) Charlotte has a phobia of balloons.

11) In a 2007 Daily Mirror interview, Charlotte answered trivia questions. Her answers revealed that she thought Margaret Thatcher was the Queen, that World War II took place in either 1911 or 1852, that JK Rowling wrote Wuthering Heights and that the Berlin Wall was built to separate Germany and Russia.

12) Charlotte also believed that New York was the capital of the USA. Heather Swan, then the WAG of Michael Chopra, corrected her by pointing out that it was, in fact, Texas.

13) After wedding on Friday 13 June 2008, Heather and Chopra split up three weeks later. She said: "We had a fantastic day and I wouldn't change that." Heather and Chopra's wedding included an ice sculpture of an angel which doubled as a vodka dispenser.

14) On 'reality' show WAGS Boutique, the notion of naming one of the competing stores 'Silhouette' was shelved when none of the contestants could get past the third letter while trying to spell it.

15) When Alex Curran married Steven Gerrard, the couple's daughters were bridesmaids and wore miniature versions of their mum's £60,000 diamond-studded wedding dress by Lebanese designer Ellie Saab.

16) Michael Carrick's wife is called Lisa Roughhead - the best WAG name since snooker's Stephen Hendry married the former Mandy Tart.

17) WAGdom's finest hour came at the 2006 World Cup, when the girls colonised the quiet, upmarket German town of Baden Baden. A six-WAG team was said to have spent £57,000 on clothes and shoes in one shop alone.

18) Player-switching WAG Vanessa Perroncel was one of four wives and girlfriends who, upon arrival in Baden-Baden, splashed out £5,000 in just under an hour on Gucci, Prada and £600 sunglasses.

19) Meanwhile the WAGs rolled up almost £600,000 in hotel bills and room service at the plush Brenner's Park Hotel.

20) Frank Lampard's then-WAG Elen Rives clocked up an extras bill of £28,607.

21) When Wayne Rooney went to the Brenner's Park to visit then-girlfriend Coleen, he played football in the room with her brother Anthony.

22) Joe Cole leapt to the defence of the Baden-Baden girls, saying: "Anyone who thinks it's a distraction is mad." However, new England skipper Rio Ferdinand has called Baden-Baden a "circus", while top WAG analyst Lizzie Cundy (who didn't go as she's only married to Jason Cundy) says "Baden-Baden was mental".

23) Victoria Beckham is rumoured to travel with three different sizes of the same pair of jeans "in case she loses weight" on the trip.

24) Cheryl Cole once described WAGs as "as bad as benefit scroungers".

25) Nives Celcius, wife of Croatia's Dino Drpic, is our favourite foreign WAG. She's notorious for having sex on the centre spot of the Maksimir Stadium, Zagreb, where the Croats later beat England 2-0.

26) Celcius previously hit the headlines when a British couple on holiday in Croatia attempted to snatch her long-haired blond son, believing him to be the missing British holidaymaker Madeleine McCann.

27) Nives' website is famed for its eye-opening pictures but also for its excellent translation. Here's a recent news story: "Nives Celsius is getting more and more popular, especially among members of stronger sex. In fact, readers of the German editions FHM men’s journals you have the opportunity to choose one hundred sexiest women in the world and former Playboy Bunny is located on the high rates fifteenth. Behind the left beauty like Alicia Keys, Rihanna, Gisela Bundchen and Jessica Alba."

28) While auditioning for Britain's Next Top Model, Abbey Clancy told producers she wanted to "marry a footballer, get pregnant and then shop and have fun for the rest of my life".

29) After splitting with £140,000-a-week Frank Lampard, Elen Rives briefly dated Stevenage Borough's Lawrie Wilson, on £500 a week.

30) Before meeting Frank, she'd been married to Jordanian Nael Asad Y Abu-Rmaileh - who claims they are still wed under Sharia law.

31) On their last day in Baden-Baden, WAGs blew £30,000 in a single afternoon at the Monika Scholz boutique.

32) Diego Simeone's WAG Carolina Baldini split with David Beckham's pal in 2008 after he had an affair with 21-year-old Argentinean lingerie model Julieta Spina and she was caught by a paparazzo having an 'on-beach love-romp' with another man.

33) Stephen Ireland's WAG Jessica Lawlor drives a £290,400 Bentley. The Manchester City midfielder spent another £1,100 to change the car's legendary winged silver 'B' logo to Jessica's initials 'JL' and a further £2,200 on red leather seats with the message "To Jess, love from Stephen" stitched on to them. He then splashed out another £5,500 on bright red alloy wheel rims with Jess's initials to bring the total spend to an eye-watering £299,200.

34) While having sex with old man Teddy Sheringham, Danielle Lloyd had "Oh, Teddy, Teddy" as her ringtone.

35) She changed it after they split following her Celebrity Big Brother bullying shame.

36) Danielle denied that there was any racial element to her picking on Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty and, coincidentally, soon began dating black footballers Marcus Bent and Jermaine Defoe before settling on Jamie O'Hara.

37) Wayne Rooney proposed to Coleen on a garage forecourt.

38) After a row, she was later claimed to have thrown Wayne's £25,000 engagement ring into a squirrel sanctuary.

39) When Coleen's fuller figure post Baden-Baden fuelled pregnancy rumours, she admitted she had put on half a stone during the tournament, scoffing on pizzas, steaks and McDonald's.

40) After Italy reached the 2006 World Cup semi-finals, Francesco Totti's wife Ilary Blasi moaned: "My heart is filled with joy at Italy's progress, but when will it end? I want Francesco back home so we can get on with extending our family. We are already way behind schedule."

41) Sven Goran Eriksson's exotic WAG Nancy dell'Olio said of their first coupling: "It was a passion that set my soul on fire and made my body electric."

42) Nancy's age has always been a mystery. It's thought she was born in August 1961, but she has claimed birthdates of both 1963 and 1964.

43) FA secretary turned after-hours WAG Faria Alam said Sven had surprise sex with her on the stairs of his Swedish hideaway. She reported: "It was very erotic, even if it did graze my knees."

44) Sven also has a dalliance with 36DD glamour girl Jayne Connery - who went on to score with John Terry. She said: "Sven is not the best looking man in the world but he oozes sex appeal."

45) Jermaine Pennant's ex-WAG Amii Grove is known as 'the bum from Brum'.

46) Cheryl Cole got married to Ashley in a £90,000 Roberto Cavalli gown with Swarovski crystals sewn into the hem.

47) Asked by Anne Robinson on a 2008 Weakest Link WAGs special, "In body shapes, the rhyming name sometimes given to a slightly flabby tummy is a jelly what?", Big Brother contestant and wannabe wag Charley Uchea answered, "fish".

48) Dean Holdsworth and Mark Williams' ex-WAG Linsey Dawn McKenzie was asked: "In the animal kingdom, what H is the horny covering on each foot of a horse?" She replied: "Hall."

49) Cassie Sumner, who dated Michael Essien, was asked to name the "vegetable which has a variety called purple sprouting". Her answer? "Broccoli".

50) Amii Grove was asked "in waterbirds, what D is the general name for the female equivalent of a drake?" She thought it was "dragon".

51) And the late George Best's former WAG Alex blew it when asked "what V is the name for the leading wrongdoer in a play or pantomime?" She answered "Victim".

52) During the England WAGs' descent on Baden-Baden during the 2006 World Cup, Stewart Downing's partner Michaela Henderson-Thynne was seen singing "There’s only one Stewart Downing" at the Garibaldi club.

53) In 2000, Victoria Beckham launched a solo 'singing' career. David gave perhaps his most honest quote ever when he said: "I've heard Victoria's new material and it is frightening."

54) In 2005, Victoria sought to correct a Spanish journalist who quoted her as saying "I've never read a book in my life". Victoria explained she actually had never finished reading a book because of her busy schedule.

55) After Arsenal's Justin Hoyte dumped WAG Jill Demirel, she planned revenge by bedding Spurs' Tom Huddlestone. But Jill admitted: "I was praying Tom could help me get over Justin with great sex. Fat chance of that. Justin was 10 out of 10 in bed, miles better than Tom, who was a wham bam, thank you ma'am kind of guy. When we kissed, he kept dribbling all over my mouth. I'd rate him zero out of 10."

56) Jill first got together with Hoyte after meeting him in a jacuzzi. She held out to their third date before having sex, admitting: "I kept telling Justin it was wrong because I was engaged. But the fact we weren't supposed to made it more horny."

57) Visitors to Abbey Clancy's website are invited two buy two bookmarks of Peter Crouch's WAG in varying stages of undress for £3.49 each. But would potential buyers really own two books?

58) In January 2009 TV psychic Craig Hamilton-Parker called on Spurs to ban WAGs as a way of ending Gareth Bale's long run of starts without finishing up on the winning side. He said: "An ancient proverb says 'women cast an evil eye' and this looks like it is having an impact on Bale. The best chance he has of turning things around would be if Spurs should ban WAGs from home matches. I am sure Gareth would be okay then." Bale finally got a win in his 25th game as a Tottenham starter, last September.

59) Singer Jamelia, ex-WAG of Darren Byfield, accused Alex Curran of "probably feasting on three grapes a day" and said: "God forbid if Alex Curran split up with Steve Gerrard. Who would she be then? You can't let a man make you."

60) Jamelia also called WAGs "pathetic" and "leeches". Alex hit back, saying: "She'll be glad to know I don't know her boyfriend's name but Steven thinks he's lower than a non-league player."

61) Carl Cort's WAG Melissa was expelled from a Tesco at Christmas 2001 when she and her husband jumped the queue, then fended off customer complaints by asking them: "Don't you know who we are?"

62) At Christmas 2006, Peter Crouch bought WAG Abbey Clancy a £20,000 Mini. She got him a £20 bubblegum machine.

63) Abbey enjoyed her time on TV cooking show hell's Kitchen but complained that "my boobs were literally sweating off in the heat".

64) Amii Grove was unimpressed with ex-boyfriend Jermaine Pennant's sexual technique. She said: "He couldn't keep up with my standards in the bedroom. I'd give him a five out of 10 in bed - and that's being nice. I can understand why girls think about lesbianism."

65) When Amii found out Jermaine had been cheating on her - by discovering another woman's panties in her bed - she locked him out of their £1.1m mansion, threw £30,000 worth of his designer clothes out of the window and smashed his Xbox.

66) The console was a sad loss, with Amii revealing: "He spends up to six hours a night playing Call of Duty 3 on his Xbox. He would sit down at 9pm and lay out crisps and fizzy drinks in a circle around him so he wouldn't have to move for the next six hours. He would stay up until 3am, even before matches, wearing a head-set so he could talk to friends about who he was going to kill next."

67) Amii tried to break Pennant's video game addiction by teaching him to play board games. She said: "He became hooked on Scrabble, spending ages trying to save up the letters for the word 'zoo' - he thought it was high-scoring."

68) WAGs Boutique star Jadene Bircham, wife of former QPR striker Marc, signed up TV to a racist Facebook group called "If you don't like England then f**k off back to where you came from!" The site contained a picture of hooded Ku Klux Klan members and topics including "Hands up if you believe Enoch Powell was right," "Black ethnic groups are more likely to be criminal" and "Does Islam have anything to offer British society?" Said Jadene: "I did sign up to it but I wasn't aware that it was like that at all."

69) Nigel Quashie's former WAG Suzanne Franklin exited their relationship with a £1,800 Gucci Hysteria handbag, a £1,240 Louis Vuitton Mahina Denim XL handbag, a £975 Jimmy Choo Riki handbag, a £924 Chloe Paddington handbag, a £800 Prada Dip Dye Purse, a £425 Louis Vuitton Musette Salsa handbag and a £400 Coccinelle handbag. She said: "I told him I'd rather spend £50 on a bag from Topshop."

70) I'm A Celebrity... veteran Nicola McLean, WAG of Peterborough's Tommy McLean, explained she had to have breast implants as: "My own were quite nice really, but I was never happy with them. Like most girls', they'd fluctuate depending on the time of the month. I'd show up to a topless photoshoot, get my kit off and I'd never know if they'd be big and bouncy or a bit on the disappointing side. It was doing my head in."

71) Rangers keeper Allan McGregor's WAG Leah Shevlin told their next-door neighbour to "get f***ed" during a row about noise - not knowing he was one of Gers chairman David Murray's best pals.

72) In the dawn of Wayne and Coleen Rooney's love, the courting couple asked Wayne's mum if she could tape Footballers' Wives for them. Says Coleen: "We arrived home, stuck the video in and sat back and started watching the episode. The programme finished and the next thing we know we're staring at some porn video. I was just sitting there not knowing what to do. Next thing, Wayne ran into his brother's bedroom and started whacking him round the head with the tape. Wayne's brother had stitched us up."

73) Cricket owner Justine Mills' Bebo website includes this biography: "hello i am justine i own the shop cricket in liverpool it has been open for 14 years an has made a name for it self with the WAGS walking around with cricket bags of there arms. cricket is mostly wore by footballers from liverpool an everton an wags but non famous people shop here to... we have are fantastic models for cricket which get there pictures took in the new clothes... if you can not get down to liverpool to by are wounderfull things why not get stuff of are website www.cricketliverpool.co.uk... thank you justine x"

74) Coleen Rooney is said to spend £20,000 in Cricket each season.

75) Sabrina Keogh, WAG to Jermaine Jenas, says: “Jermaine is really generous – he bought me some Christian Louboutin shoes for Christmas which I love. But the best present he ever got me is priceless – a tattoo of my face on his forearm.”

76) David and Victoria Beckham's wedding required the services of 437 staff.

77) Alex Curran has cautioned youngsters not to follow her example and have a boob job at 18. She said: "I find with larger breasts it can be harder to find clothes to fit you, so think long and hard before you do it."

78) Dwight Yorke used to deter prospective gold-digging WAGs by telling them he was not, in fact, an international striker and swordsman but a Yorke lookalike postman called Brian.

79) Sheree Murphy, WAG of Harry Kewell, has two plasma screen TVs in her bathroom.

80) Claudine Palmer's wedding to Robbie Keane cost a very reasonable £575,000.

81) Joe Cole's WAG Carly Zucker is the face of Lynx deodorant.

82) Vanessa Perroncel appeared in a 2004 film adaptation of Phantom Of The Opera, billed as a "candelabra holder".

83) In 2007 Alex Curran released her own fragrance, cleverly titled Alex.

84) Coleen Rooney has released three fragrances - Coleen, Coleen Summer and Coleen Black. All are available at Superdrug.

85) It's claimed that Alex Curran had her favourite £1,500 lizardskin handbag injected with Botox to make it softer.

86) Gary Neville's £500,000 wedding to Emma Hadfield featured sausage and mash canapes, cabaret from diddy X Factor reject Ray Quinn and a 15-minute aerial display by two light aircraft.

87) During the 2010 World Cup, England WAGs will stay out of the way at the six-star One & Only Resort and Spa in Cape Town. Each room has a private butler, maid and nanny and the girls can fight it out for use of 12 private treatment villas, yoga pavilions and gyms.

88) They can also push a piece of lettuce around their plates at an on-site Gordon Ramsay restaurant or split a single piece of raw fish between four at its own Nobu.

89) Proto-WAG Margaret Hollinrake was waiting in her nurse's uniform for a bus to Manchester in 1947 when the Burnley team coach stopped and offered her a lift. She ended up married to star player Harry Potts.

90) When Wes Brown married Leanne Wassell last summer, the rings were flown onto the Best Man's arm by a trained white barn owl.

91) After Jamie O'Hara ditched lover of four years Sade Metcalfe for uberWAG Danielle Lloyd, he cushioned the blow by taking back the £28,000 silver Mercedes SLK he'd give Sade for Christmas.

92) Charlotte Mears was hired by the Foreign Office to give advice to young women about the perils of going abroad. Her tips included "it might sound trivial, but you never know when you might break a nail or your extensions turn green in the pool... Get a number of good local beauticians or check if the hotel has one before you go!'' She added a reminder to buy travel insurance before flying: "One tumble off a bar table in your Jimmy Choos could cost you £20,000 worth of shopping money on your hospital bill!"

93) Steve Sidwell's wife Krystell says her favourite restaurant is the "lovely" Suka because "they bring Thai dishes to you at different stages".

94) Sidwell has their 100-word wedding vows tattooed on his back. They include this passage: "From day one you've been the rock by my side, the driving force behind me. You give me my strength and my confidence. You make me smile and happy every day that I'm with you."

95) Joe Cole's WAG Carly Zucker had to give up her day job because of the intolerable strain of juggling that with living at their Surrey mansion. She said: "I tried it before with the personal training as well as running the house, and it just made me stressed and unhappy."

96) Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp has called WAGs "busy cows".

97) Theo Walcott's girlfriend Melanie Slade is a disgrace to WAGdom. Not only does she have three A-levels and appear to be a real person, but she has refused to drive the £150,000 Ferrari California he bought for her 21st birthday and is still using her Beetle instead.

98) Happily, Theo is paying £20,000 insurance per year on the sports car.

99) One of the couple's first public appearances was at the launch of the Waltet Materials and RFSF Recycling commercial waste recycling centre in Hampshire.

100) When Theo wants to annoy Melanie, he calls her 'Waggy'.

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