Emile Heskey's greatest misses (and the occasional hit)

By Mirror Football in Football Banter

Published 16:10 15/07/10

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Emile Heskey is the Gordon Brown of football. Very much a star in the late 1990s and early '00s, over the last few years he became a blundering target for a nation's ire. And the minute he quit - as Heskey did from international footbal; today - everybody loved him again.

"He's a braver and better man than the rest of them," wrote one message board poster. "He has at least done the right thing," said another. "He's shit and he knows he is," was another, less charitable, verdict on the man of whom the Observer's Paul Hayward recently wrote: "Emile Heskey must dream some nights of Fifa abolishing goalscoring".

Let's shut our ears to the cynics who claim Heskey actually gave up on playing for England five years ago and remember the good times with the bad...

1) There's no doubt that in his pomp, Heskey was a devastating presence with - as Alan Partridge once declared, a foot like a traction engine. Take a look at this compilation, which culminates in that goal in that game against them .

2) Alas, it's goals like those that Heskey is NOT remembered for. Instead, it's misses like this.

3) And remarkable pieces of skill like this...

4) In recent years, Heskey became something of a cult figure, even inspiring his own drinking game with its own 20,000-member Facebook group. Some of the rules... http://www.heroesandvillains.info/discuss/viewtopic.php?p=1497727

Emile's ability to 'hold up the ball' is mentioned - Three fingers of alcohol

Emile falls over (anywhere on the pitch) - half of all drinks must be downed

Emile misses a sitter or trips over the ball - 3 shots

A commentator claims that forwards ‘Love to play with Heskey’ – Three fingers

Every time Martin O'Neill repeats the same tactical substitution of Emile for 'Big John' Carew at around the 70th minute - Everyone must down their drinks followed by a standing ovation.

5) That's not all our hero has inspired. There's this terrific England chant...

6) ... As well as this one...

7) ...And this frankly bizarre song (get ready to tilt your head 90 degrees left)

8) Meanwhile, Emile proved he could miss in the virtual world as well as the real one. Fast forward to 0:52 to see how frighteningly realistic videlo games are these days.

9) It's time to discuss Emile's achievements at the 2010 World Cup finals. He began by ending Rio Ferdinand's tournament in a practice game collision and finished by being booed by England fans before he'd even come on as a sub for Jermaine Defoe in the mauling by Germany. And somewhere in the middle there was this...

10) But we always liked Emile Heskey. Here's how we'll remember him in an England shirt - trying his very hardest (and this time scoring) before going off with an injury. Big man, we salute you.

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