If Arsene Wenger is the daddy, who is the embarrassing uncle? Meet the Premier League dysfunctional family

Published 23:01 30/09/09

Arsenal star Emmanuel Eboue has revealed that manager Arsene Wenger is like the players' dad. It got MirrorFootball wondering, which other family members would the Prem bosses be?

The Grumpy Grandad (Alex Ferguson)
Who else could it be? The old curmudgeon has vented his spleen against pretty much everything and everybody in his 73 years – or however long it is now – at Old Trafford. Rival managers, opposition players (especially foreign ones), the media, referees, the FA, UEFA, FIFA, the BBC, the list of his targets goes on and on. At the end of last season he even turned his ire toward other club's stadiums, moaning: "There should be a minimum standard of size of dressing room. Everton's are so narrow it is unbelievable. Portsmouth's away dressing room is not great and the one at Craven Cottage is smaller than my office."

The Ugly Sisters (Sam Allardyce and Gary Megson)
Now before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, MirrorFootball is not for one minute suggesting either Saucy Sam or Gorgeous Gary is anything less than desirable – at least to Mrs A and Mrs M, anyway – but you'd have to admit they have their own unique take on the 'beautiful game'. With tactics that would make Rory Delap blush, they would rather bulldoze their way through opponents rather than take the scenic route around and behind them.

The Maiden Aunt (Roy Hodgson)
The grand old lady of the family, loved by all, and that sums up the Fulham boss perfectly for the respect he is afforded by his peers. Traditionally a spinster, Hodgson, if truth be told, has been more like a 'Maiden Whore' during a nomadic career that has seen him rarely stick with one suitor for any length of time, but he now seems to have settled down with a loving partner in a nice Cottage by the river. Perfect for his dotage.

The Embarrassing Uncle (Phil Brown)
Every family's got one and we all know who it is. And you don't have to a genealogist to track down the identity of the Premier League's version of the relative you try to avoid at a party. The minute the karaoke machine got wheeled out at the Christmas bash, the rest of the family would be rushing to hide the Brown Ale.

The Spoilt Little Brother (Mark Hughes)
He's really annoying, he keeps nicking your toys and if you try to give him a slap he'll call you a bully and run off to tell someone bigger. But secretly you're jealous of him 'cos he gets all the love and you just get blamed for everything. Sound familiar to anyone around the Trafford area of Manchester?

The Mental Cousin (Martin O'Neill)
Brooding, intense and slightly manic, Martin O'Neill is the mad cousin you really don't want sit next to at Christmas dinner. With his deep interest in criminology, the Villa boss is just the sort to start discussing the intricacies of the Dennis Nilsen case or bring up his conspiracy theory about JFK over the Brussels sprouts, before inviting you over to his bedsit to "see his books".

The Moaning Mother-in-Law (Harry Redknapp)
"And another thing, I don't know how I'm supposed to get by on just £30million a season. I ask you, I'm down to my last 43 players. And young Ledley's limping around like Heather Mills again. We're down to the bare bones. If they're not careful, I'll be off!" Never short of a moan, all the talkative Spurs boss needs is a Hilda Ogden-style headscarf and he'd be a dead ringer for your moaning mum-in-law.

The Whining Baby Brother (Rafa Benitez)
Let's face it, babies are no trouble at all when they're happy, well-fed and have all their favourite toys to play with. But if they don't get their own way, or their daddies won't buy them sweets, they have an unfortunate tendency to start whining loudly, and it can be extremely difficult to shut them up. Rather like Rafa, in fact.

The Long-Lost Rich Uncle (Carlo Ancelotti)
Exuding wealth, breeding and a nice line in cashmere polo-neck sweaters, the new Chelsea manager is football's equivalent of the successful long-lost uncle who you've heard so much about, but never encountered, before he made the decision to set up home in England, surrounded by all the trinkets of his globe-trotting playboy lifestyle.

The Adorable Nephew (Gianfranco Zola)
Is there an auntie in the land who could resist the cheeky face of Gianfranco Zola? The boyish charm and the twinkling eyes of the West Ham manager is enough to have middle-aged ladies queuing up to straighten his tie, ruffle his hair, give him a lickwash and send him a £5 postal order on his birthday. Isn't he adorable?

Who would be in your Premier League family? Let us now by adding a comment below...

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