Phil Brown sacked: How his Hull City 'gardening leave' will go...

By Steve Anglesey in Football Banter

Published 16:32 15/03/10

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Poor Phil Brown is on 'gardening leave' after being sacked by Hull. But how will the miked-up manager fare among the flora? We reckon it will go like this...

1) Seen wagging his finger at daffodills after "unacceptable performance in the first half of spring".

2) Starts talking to plants - but only via Bluetooth.

3) Has to separate Bill and Ben after they are seen fighting behind the shed where the Women's Institute meets.

4) Liberally covers every plant in the garden in creosote, to give them an authentic 'Phil Brown' colouration.

5) Wanders around garden with microphone, bellowing 'Build Me Up Buttercup', 'Edelweiss' and 'Good Year For The Roses'.

6) Accuses Cesc Fabregas of spitting on his pansies.

7) Claims to have brought an ailing orchid back to life just by talking to it. His wife is baffled. "I've never seen any orchids in our garden," she says.

8) Starts vegetable patch entirely comprised of carrots, fed on Tango. Tells wife that once harvested, the carrots must "step up to the plate".

9) After saying last week: "I don’t drink pints of hindsight, I drink pints of Guinness", is found in the greenhouse drinking pints of weed killer.

10) Gives up on garden, finds new job in which he can use his famous headset. Asks first customer: "Phil Brown would like to know if you want fries with that?"