Real Madrid deny Cristiano Ronaldo has swine flu

Real Madrid have issued an official statement denying that Cristiano Ronaldo has contracted swine flu.

Ronaldo has pulled out of Portugal's midweek encounter with Liechtenstein due to illness, with rumours that he has caught the disease spreading like, erm, swine flu.

The Portuguese winger's popularity in the Real dressing room took a nosedive when he played for Los Merengues against DC United with symptoms of the virus, and he did little to ingratiate himself further with his new team-mates when his condition worsened on the long flight back to Spain.

But Real have issued a statement insisting that Ronaldo merely has a normal strain of influenza and that he will recover in a matter of days.

"The player is recovering from the common flu" reads the headline on the club's website, which clearly is fooling no-one as we all know that no Galactico could possibly contract anything "common".

"Cristiano Ronaldo returned from Washington DC with the flu and has been told to rest at home and was prescribed medication," the statement rambles on.

It has not been the best of weeks for poor old Cristiano, whose former flame Nereida Gallardo has been putting the boot in on the ex-Manchester United star, who apparently has difficulty filling his elephant thong.

"He puts his willy where the elephant's face is," Gallardo revealed, after recently being ignored by Ronaldo on a night out. "But he doesn't fill its trunk. During our time together he got turned on more by looking at himself in the mirror than at me."

Having seen Ms Gallardo I don't think you can really blame CR9 for paying slightly more attention to himself but he might in future want to avoid unleashing the fury of a woman scorned.

"I can do three or four orgasms and he fell asleep after one," elucidated the Portuguese WAG, while on her way to Mass.

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