The top 10 worst singing footballers (video special)

By Mirror Football in Football Banter

Published 23:00 09/09/10

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Asamoah Gyan is preparing to take his bow this weekend at the Stadium of Light, but before he does we thought it only fair to pay tribute to his lesser know talent, 'music' .

Like many who have gone before him, a dazzling singing career has been thwarted by their football ability, but this hasn't stopped them dipping their toe in the water. So here's your top ten worst singing footballers. Proceed with caution.

10) Ian Wright

Pet Shop Boys' keyboardist Chris Lowe is a die-hard Gooner. But if he thinks that excuses him writing and producing this 1993 stinker for baked-bean headed Arsenal legend Ian Wright, he's got another think coming.

9) Kevin Keegan
Proof, if proof were needed, that his 'King' nickname has nothing to do with a resemblance to Elvis. 'Head Over Heels In Love' reached number 33 in the German charts in 1979. And who says the Germans have no sense of humour?

8) Andrew Cole
In 1999, then Manchester United striker Andrew 'Andy' Cole attempted to reinvent himself as a playa with this frankly rubbush R'n'B single 'Outstanding'. Sample lyric: "Seven-point-five mill record-maker / Rapping on the mic I'm a record-breaker / Got my kicks from hitting the net / Never from drugs: You bet!" Alright!

7) Ruud Gullit
Amazingly, the Dutch maestro had a minor hit with this in 1984. 'Not The Dancing Kind'? Not the singing kind more like…

6) Paul Gascoigne Newcastle fans might think they're enduring something of a PR crisis now, but Mike Ashley has arguably never done anything as harmful to the club's image as this hideous collaboration between Gazza and Georgie folk rockers Lindisdfarne

5) John Barnes
New Order's 'World In Motion' is regarded as one of the best football songs ever written - all the more of an achievement considering it contains this rancid cameo from John Barnes, the man who firmly puts the 'C' into rap.

4) Hoddle and Waddle
No list of football's crimes against music would be complete without this 1987 atrocity from Glen Hoddle and Chris Waddle. Look closely at this footage from Top Of The Pops and you'll see that even the deaf members of the audience are refusing to lip-read in protest.

3) Ryan Babel
This radio station freestyle session is in Dutch, in Dutch, which means you might not catch cutting edge lyrics like "no caviar for us, Surinamers eat chicken' and "I can't even spend all my money/Keep your daughter in sight or you will be my family". Count yourself lucky.

2) Liverpool's 1988 FA Cup Squad
As rotten as Ryan's rapping is, it still has nothing on this musical travesty. John Aldridge, Steve McMahon, Bruce Grobbelaar, Steve Nicol et al - hang your heads in shame.

1) Andrey Arshavin
If you've persevered this far you've put up with some pretty excruciating footage, but, as difficult as this may seem, what follows next probably takes the biscuit for cringe factor. You have been warned.

And here's the Sunderland newbee kicking back this Summer, and making music to pass away the night.

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