The Top 11 Jose Mourinho soundbites

Published 14:12 23/02/10

Inter Milan take on Chelsea in a mouth-watering Champions League clash this week, but the most captivating subplot will surely be played out off the pitch when Jose Mourinho takes centre stage once more.

In an age when most leading sports stars have been media trained to within an inch of their lives, Mourinho strides the post-match mixed zone like a colossus.

Indeed, during his time in England, the Special One's best soundbites were arguably just as brilliant as his Blues side - as this Top 11 proves:

1) “Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one.”
Mourinho makes his brilliantly judged greeting to the English press after taking the Chelsea job in 2004.

2) “If I wanted to have an easy job... I would have stayed at Porto - beautiful blue chair, the Uefa Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me.”
Proof that Jose didn’t actually think he was God. The son of God, on the other hand…

3) “It's like having a blanket that is too small for the bed. You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed. But the blanket is made of cashmere!”
And we just thought Chelsea were down to the ‘bare bones’…

4) “Young players are a little bit like melons. Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100% sure that the melon is good.”
So now we know what Steve Sidwell tastes like: rancid melon…

5) "Sometimes you see beautiful people with no brains. Sometimes you have ugly people who are intelligent, like scientists. Our pitch is a bit like that. From the top it's a disgrace but the ball rolls at normal speed."
Sadly not a critical appraisal of Big Brother, but rather a poetic defence of Chelsea’s sand-logged pitch

6) "Wenger has a real problem with us and I think he is what you call in England a voyeur. He is someone who likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have this big telescope to look into the homes of other people and see what is happening. Wenger must be one of them - and it is a sickness."
Well, it was a toss up between this and making a crack about Arsene’s mum

7) "Three years without a Premiership title? I don't think I would still be in a job."
Mourinho manages to cut Rafa Benitez dead without even getting started on his silly beard

8) "I want to give my congratulations to them because they won. But we were the best team."
Alan Curbishley’s Charlton team are schooled in the art of back-handed compliments

9) "During the afternoon it rained only in this stadium. Our kitman saw it. They tried everything. There must be a microclimate here.”
Blackburn's groundsmen get some special treatment from the Special One

10) "The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem."
Mourinho gives a masterclass in the art of the extended metaphor

And just to prove it's not a West London thing, here's a bonus Special soundbite from the San Siro:

11) “It was a strange game. I think we all understand that it was no coincidence that he showed the red card to Sneijder. I have realised that they are not going to allow us to wrap this title up. But we were perfect. We would have won this game even with seven men. Maybe with six we would have struggled, but we would have won with seven.”
Mourinho manages to combine a damning put-down with classic 'us against them' paranoia following Inter's 2-0 victory in the Milan derby, January 2010

What will the Special One serve up following his Chelsea reunion? Frankly, we can't wait to find out...

What's your favourite Mourinho quote? Let us know by leaving a comment below...

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