The Top 30 best (and worst) World Cup 2010 and England songs, Nos 30-16

There's no official England World Cup song this year, for the first time since 1962... or, to be entirely accurate, since 1994, when releasing an official England World Cup song would have been rather odd.

But that hasn't stopped a collection of artists - and we use the word loosely - from attempting to follow in the mighty footsteps of World In Motion, Three Lions and Back Home. A worrying proportion of them appear to be ska-based tracks by bald men in porkpie hats. Some are even worse. And then there's Rik Mayall's effort.

Here's part one of our top 30 of World Cup 2010 songs, listing number 30-16....

 

The Top 30 best (and worst) World Cup 2010 and England songs, Nos 15-1  

30) After the apocalypse, only cockroaches will survive. And Chico.

29) Decades of access to semi-legal narcotics have had no bearing whatsoever on the Dutch.

28) Massive hair metal guitars with utterly weedy singing. Like Def Leppard fronted by Eoghan Quinn.

27) If you've ever wondered what happened to the Sisters Of Mercy's old clothes after they retired, wonder no further...

26) This band have saddled themselves with an unpronounceable name - Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead. But, as you'll see, that's among the least of their problems. First sightings among our videos of dad dancing and bald men wearing porkpie hats - it won't be the last...

25) Pocket monsters, capsule hotels and schoolgirl panty machines seem positively normal next to this effort from the Japanese

24) Definitive proof that dressing up like Paul Weller does not make you sing or write songs like Paul Weller

23) There's no better way to pay tribute to an England team heading to South Africa in 2010 than by recording a song which sounds like it was meant for a Canadian hairspray advert in 1985

22) Not a porkpie hat in sight here, but another generic ska-style effort with, admittedly, a catchy chorus

21) Dad dancing? Check. Bald men wearing porkpie hats? Check. Ska influence? Check. But there's something endearing about this one. Not bad...

20) The lowest point of former Brother Beyond singer Nathan Moore's career was previously thought to be his 1980s relationship with The Word presenter/posh totty/numbskull Amanada de Cadanet. Then came this. Best bit of the video? Nathan sings "There's a million behind you", gesturing to the crowd behind him. Which numbers something like 999,960 less than a million.

19) More porkpie hats and ska, but this isn't bad at all. Extra points added for rhyming "the force of our battalion" with "22 English boys and one Italian". Sadly, extra points then removed for not knowing there are now 23 in a squad...

18) As you might have guessed from watching Ji-Sung Park, the South Koreans are Earth's most enthusiastic race. Here they are in typically subdued mood

17) Okay, this might not be as good as some of the others below it in our chart. Or even very good at all. But just look at the Bullet Kings. Would you tell them?

16) To round off the first half of our Top 30, here's Noble England by Rik Mayall, who some may remember was funny in the 1980s. Is this genius? Is it madness? Is it, as Stuart Pearce so often says, "folly"? One thing's for certain - you've never heard an England song like it...

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williamhill.com

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