Oi slaphead! The best Baldy XI of all-time

Published 14:13 08/03/10

So, ladies and gentlemen, here it is... the best baldy XI - EVER!

We noticed during last week's England win over Egypt that a certain Mr W Rooney now has a hairline that's disappearing quicker than a footballer's morals.

So that got us thinking... just who would make the, ahem, cut, for a starting berth in a slaphead selection side.

We asked for your nominations and thanks to all of you who sent us your suggestions via Twitter and Facebook.

There will be another one later this week, so keep an eye out on our Twitter and Facebook pages for the details.

But now, without further ado, here is the definitive all-time bald XI...

Goalkeeper: Fabien Barthez
Honourable mentions go to Pepe Reina and Brad Friedel, but the slightly madcap ex-Manc stopper just has to get the nod. Despite his obvious talents and fat trophy haul, the Frenchman will always be remembered for those moments of madness when he'd give away possession trying to dribble the ball out of defence. But what the hell? We like our goalies a bit crazy, so he's in.

Right-back: Danny Mills
The tough-tackling former Man City, Leeds and England star takes the right-back berth. His baldy pate certainly added to the air of menace he brought to his game. And let's be honest, he wouldn't have looked quite so threatening with a bubble perm, would he?

Left-back: Alan Wright
We're fairly confident in our prediction that the 5ft 4in ex-Villa star didn't lose his hair because of his fondness for an aerial battle. Probably best if the man who holds the title as the Premier League's shortest-ever player is not in charge of team transport though - he once injured himself stretching to reach the pedals in his new Ferrari!

Centre-half: Frank Leboeuf
The former Chelsea defender won the World Cup with France in 1998, as any viewers of They Think It's All Over will well recall given that every time the Frenchman was the butt of a joke on the Nick Hancock 'comedy' vehicle he responded with the words: "I don't care what you say, I've won the World Cup." Pips Fabio Cannavaro for a starting place, not because he's a better player but 'cos he's a better baldy.

Centre-half: Jaap Stam
He looks like an Easter Island statue and he was a rock in the Man United side that won the Treble in 1999. It says much about him that Fergie, never a man prone to second guess his own decisions, has admitted that flogging the Dutchman to Lazio in 2001 - even for an eye-watering £16.5million - was a mistake.

Right midfield: Attillio Lombardo
He won a stack of domestic and European medals with Sampdoria, Juventus and Lazio, and played 19 times for the Italian national side, so future generations will wonder in amazement how the hell he ended up as Crystal Palace player-manager in 1998. We imagine there are days even now when he does as well.

Centre-midfield: Ray Wilkins
Younger readers won't believe it but the then Chelsea youngster had a lustrous head of hair during his early days at Stamford Bridge. Sadly for 'Butch', however, his magnificent mane lasted nowhere near as long as his magnificent 24-year playing career.

Centre-midfield: Zinedine Zidane
Zizou is regularly named in all-time world XIs but we have little doubt that the Frenchman will view this selection as one of the highlights of his distinguished career, giving that he beat off stern competition from the likes of Lee Carsley, Thomas Gravesen and Archie Gemmill.

Left midfield: Arjen Robben
Most of us manage to get into our forties or fifties before the barnet goes too far backwards. Robben, though, barely made it into his twenties. When he joined Chelsea in 2004, he must have arrived at Stamford Bridge as the oldest looking 20-year-old in history.

Striker: Bobby Charlton
The owner of football's most famous comb-over, Charlton really should have done the decent thing and taken the clippers to it. Had he done so, however, he would have run the risk of ruling himself out of this XI on the grounds of 'shaving'. And that was clearly a chance he was not prepared to take. And who can blame him?

Striker: Gianluca Vialli
One of the best strikers of his generation, the photos of him in his early days at Sampdoria with a thick thatch of black curly hair always make those of us at MF Towers smile. Oddly enough, as the hair receded, so his potency in front of goal seemed to improve. Maybe Emile Heskey should give it a try?

Manager: Luciano Spalletti
The much-travelled Italian wins the nomination to take charge of our follically challenged band of brothers. And let's be fair, he must be a better bet than Christian Gross, eh Spurs fans?!

Subs: Boris Mihaylov (without his wig!), Fabio Cannavro, Thomas Gravesen, Yordan Letchkov, Richard Chaplow, Steve Stone, Ralph Coates

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