Wayne Rooney jokes: The best web gags about his sex shame with hooker Jenny Thompson

By Steve Anglesey in Football Banter

Published 10:55 07/09/10

• 

* It's great to see Wayne Rooney back on form. At long last he's broken his prostitute drought.

* Wayne Rooney's international team-mates have rallied round his betrayed wife Coleen. John Terry is already said to have offered to pop round anytime.

* There was good and bad news for Wayne Rooney on the front of Tuesday's Daily Mirror. On the downside, a second girl is about to do a kiss-and-tell on him. On the upside, he's really looking forward to that free Gregg's Steak Bake.

* Fabio Capello is worried Wayne Rooney's got the wrong end of the stick about England's latest qualifier. He told the striker to stay at home but Rooney said he wasn't going to miss out on the chance of a Swiss roll.

* Jenny Thompson wasn't keen on sex with Wayne Rooney. She said it was ogre rated.

* Coleen says their marriage is ruined. In  fact, it's completely Shrecked.

* Rooney has released a statement to the media reading: "Who says I couldn't score in a brothel now, eh?"

* How can you tell the Rooneys apart? One's dirty, the other's Coleen.

* Wayne Rooney's been told to take a long look at himself in the mirror. Like that's going to cheer him up.

* This isn't quite what Sir Alex had in mind when he told Wayne to start banging them in again.

* Some of Wayne Rooney's sponsors are sticking by him. Spokesmen from Durex, Yellow Pages and Travelodge insisted he'd done absolutely nothing wrong.

* Coleen will have Rooney followed everywhere from now on. It's the WAG tailing the dog.

* No-one is saying Wayne Rooney's obsessed with sex, but he's been asking team-mates if Swiss cheese is the one with the holes in it.

* Poor Wayne Rooney. He hired a stripper from the Yellow Pages and someone came round and took off all his wallpaper.

* Shrek 4's plotline is going to be interesting now, isn't it?

* Wayne Rooney's been arrested for shoplifting a packet of Cherry Bakewells. He explained to police that he'd promised Coleen never to pay for another tart again.

Know any more Rooney jokes? Let us know below...

Fancy winning £3,000 for FREE this month? Play Mirror Football Streak for your chance to win cash prizes! Start predicting now!