Top 10 things we learned from Liverpool vs Utrecht

Published 23:13 15/12/10

Liverpool and Utrecht played out an utterly uninspiring 0-0 draw at Anfield as the Reds progressed to the last 32 and the visitors bade their farewell to the Europa League for this season.

But what did we learn from the match?

1) Lost in translation
Ian Rush was at the match to open a new restaurant at Anfield called The Bootroom. After sampling some of the Italian food on the menu, Rushie was enthusiastic in his praise. "It's like eating in a different country," he probably didn't say.

2) Spideysense tingling
After a very dull first half, the Kop started singing "Attack, attack, attack". In a nightclub 170 miles away in Newcastle, Joey Barton's ears pricked up.

3) Slow Joe
We were nodding in agreement when we heard Stan Collymore's assessment at half time. "Slow, predictable and pedestrian," he said. Although apparently he was talking about the first half in general and not Joe Cole.

4) You're fired!
99 - That's our guess at the percentage of people who turned over to watch The Apprentice at half time after one of the most dire first halves of football ever seen at Anfield. So they watched an ageing, grumpy, grey haired man shouting the odds at a bunch of clueless young amateurs. And then switched over to The Apprentice! Boom tish!

5) Once a red...
As a special Christmas 'treat' Liverpool let around 18,500 into Anfield to watch the match for free. A nice gesture, but as Tweeter @cjhancock observed: "The kids let in to this #lfc match for free are sure to become lifelong fans... of Everton." Zing!

6) Headline news
The award for funniest name of the night goes to Utrecht forward Ricky van Wolfswinkel. But before you chuckle too heartily, remember the poor chap broke his collarbone during the first half and was rushed to hospital. Luckily his replacement also had a funny name, as Leon de Kogel's surname apparently translates at 'the bullet'. If you were wondering, the sound that greeted his arrival on the pitch was the collective force of every headline writer in the country praying for him to score the winner.

7) The Muscles from Brussels
Meanwhile the worst segue award goes to Channel 5 commentator Dave Woods who seized on a shot of the Liverpool bench to crowbar a plug for a later programme into the coverage. "There's Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson and the man next to him Sammy Lee - his second in command, which brings us nicely on to our film tonight Second in Command." Wow. But he wasn't done yet. "Four words," he continued: "Jean Claude van Damme. It's a cracker, he takes on an entire army!" Dave made it sound so exciting we were rather hoping Channel 5 might take pity on us all and start the film early.

8) Oh dear
Joe Cole did have the chance to win the match at the death but his shot was blocked by Thomas Oar. Canoe believe it!

9) Top fans
The performance of the night was definitely from the 3,000 Utrecht fans, some of whom had come by bus - a journey of a mere 13 hours each way. They were determined to enjoy their visit to Anfield and were lively throughout, which is more than can be said for their team or Liverpool. A 26-hour round trip on a coach when you already know your team cannot qualify? Nuff respec guys.

10) Stat attack!
Utrecht are now without a win in their last 11 European fixtures (excluding qualifiers). Meanwhile Liverpool missed the chance of making it a club record equalling 9th consecutive European home win. The previous record streaks were in 1976-1978 and 1984-1991. (With thanks to the excellent @OptaJoe and @InfostradaLive).

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