The Plugger vs...The Rifles

Published 14:49 19/03/10

You know how it is with celebrities these days - they're always trying to flog you something. Well, we thought it was about time they did something for us in return.

So, from now on, anyone wanting to hawk their wares on the pages of MirrorFootball will have to submit to an interrogation by The Plugger first.

If you want us to buy your DVD/book/video game/embossed tea-towel etc, then you need to tell us, amongst other things, if you've ever had sex in a football shirt. Seems like a fair deal, no?

Facing The Plugger today is: Joel Stoker, front man with London-based indie band 'The Rifles', and West Ham fan.

1) Who is the dirtiest player you've ever seen?
Julian Dicks would have to be up there wouldn't he? 'Dicksie' enjoyed a tackle and the West Ham fans loved him for it.

2) What team do you have an irrational hatred of?
I'll have to say Arsenal for my mum's sake as she supports Spurs.

3) What's the weirdest place you've ever watched football?
I must have been at a pretty weird place when I once bought a Metallica record, so any game around that time!

4) If you could change one thing about the game, what would it be? Simple. West Ham would win more.

5) Have you ever had a man-crush on a player?
Yeah, I'm not afraid to admit it either, David Ginola.

6) If all the current Premier League managers had a cage fight, who would be the last man standing?
I reckon Arsene Wenger might be a bit tricky.

7) Who is the Don of football commentators and pundits?
The only one currently on the box that doesn't get on my nerves is Jamie Redknapp, although I don't like him being on when my wife's around!

8) What's the best dream you've ever had about football?
West Ham won two in a row.

9) If you had your own football team, what would their nickname be?
Well, my mates have got a 5-a-side team called 'The Rifles', but thats probably only because i gave them all 'Rifles' t-shirts to play in.

10) What's your keepy-up record? And are you any good at football video games?
Funnily enough, I had to do some kick ups live on the radio once and got about ten. A lack of space prevented more, at least thats what I'm sticking with! I also managed to shoot the ball through the hole on Soccer AM, which I was pleased with. Liam Gallagher cornered me in a dressing room before one of our New York gigs once, wanting to discuss it!

The last computer game I played was FIFA 96. I' m guessing the games are a little different nowadays!

11) Have you ever cried because of a football match?
Yeah, more than once. I even found myself crying when we won the Rugby World Cup. I don't even like rugby.

12) Have you ever lied to your partner to go and watch football?
No, I would never lie to her.

13) Who's the biggest **** in football?
I cant get on with Drogba, I think its his face.

14) What were your football superstitions?
If we turn up, we'll lose.

15) What's the best goal you've ever scored?
'The winner with a half volley in the Middlesex County Cup Final! "Ridgeway Rovers till' I die!"

16) What's the worst away trip you've ever been on?
I went to watch my mate play in the FA Cup against Port Vale. We got chased up a road by a load of local nutters before the game. During the game, my mate scores the first goal. I jump on the pitch, but before I know it I'm being thrown out! After all that, the goal was disallowed!!

17) What goal have you celebrated the most?
Probably the same goal as that last question, shame it was ruled out!

18) Has a football kit ever featured in your intimate moments?
No. Not unless you can have an intimate moment with a Kronenberg.

19) Have you ever supported another team apart from West Ham?
All my family are Spurs fans, so when I was little I was a Lilywhite. I also follow Johnnie Jackson, my brother in law and whoever he plays for - so Charlton at the moment, as he's on loan there. I went to watch him play for Notts County at Fulham in the FA Cup last month. The Notts fans belted out their unique chant of "I had a wheel barrow, the wheel feel off" for 90 minutes!"

20) What is the king of football food?
I had a "Shearer" up at Blackburn on an away day once. It was a chicken and bean pie, which wasn't too bad!

The Rifles second Album 'The Great Escape' is available now, and contains the singles, 'The Great Escape' and 'Romeo and Julie'. For more information check out www.myspace.com/TheRifles and the video below.