If only football clubs would tell us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Martin Lipton's big afternoon read
Question: How do you know if a football club is telling you a lie?
Answer: When they issue a statement.
Portsmouth went on the assault last week , threatening legal action and massive damages for any newspaper that printed quotes from new owner Ali Al-Faraj in which he made it clear he was not the panacea to all the club's many ills.
The message from chief executive Peter Storrie was clear and unambiguous: The quotes were manufactured, probably by a "prankster" intent on doing Pompey harm - with fingers being implicitly pointed in the direction of former saviour turned scapegoat Sulaiman Al Fahim.
When a number of papers ignored the warnings, the response was predictable. Cue outrage from Fratton Park, with talk of repercussions .
All well and good. Except for one thing.
You know those fabricated, manufactured, made up quotes that had nothing to do with Al-Faraj and which were going to be very costly for the newspapers that ran them?
Well, guess what?
Turns out they were legitimate, verbatim and accurate after all .
Any chance of an apology from Portsmouth for making false claims? I don't think so.
And that is the problem for too many clubs. I am sick to the back teeth of seeing denials of things that are true.
Denials that Peter Kenyon's era as Chelsea chief executive was coming to an end. Denials that Cristiano Ronaldo would be sold to Real Madrid. Denials that Thierry Henry ever considered leaving Arsenal for Barcelona. Denials that Liverpool were going to sell Robbie Keane in January.
Everyone does it - but that doesn't make it right.
In the case of Portsmouth, the empty threats that accompanied the Al-Faraj story demonstrated how ridiculous clubs can make themselves look - and how they foolishly believe that bluster and bombast will make things go away.
While Pompey need Avram Grant - whose haggard look at the KC Stadium on Saturday was because he is still mourning his father's death and is not allowed to shave for 30 days - and Paul Hart to start working some magic on the field, Gordon Strachan was today unveiled as the latest manager asked to perform some tricks at Middlesbrough.
Gareth Southgate's feelings of indignation at the way he was treated by Steve Gibson last week have begun to emerge, although the former England central defender will be back, before too long, and will show why he has all the attributes to be a future successor to Fabio Capello as Three Lions chief.
Meanwhile, Strachan comes back to football five months after quitting Celtic . The Scot may enjoy being out of the line of direct fire on Teesside - certainly in comparison with the incessant scrutiny he was under at Parkhead - and will hope, just as he did at Southampton, to be given the time to put his ideas into practice.
Sometimes I just wish Strachan could be as natural when the tapes are turned on as he is when they are switched off. He is not the first to be like that - both Kenny Dalglish and the late and much-missed Ray Harford were decidedly similar - but it can be a real frustration when you are trying to get something out of a manager.
And at least, unlike Sam Allardyce, Strachan will not need to start issuing Tamiflu to his players . It's a pig of a job, that football management.
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