Ghost goals, Philosophers, Taxis, Invincibles and Divots: The 100 most shocking football moments of the decade, numbers 80-71
With the Noughties nearly at an end, MirrorFootball's Steve Anglesey looks back on the decade's biggest gob-smackers. Here's his Day 3 selection...
80. Socrates plays for Garforth Town (20/11/2004)
The footballing equivalent of Cary Grant turning up in Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps, the beloved Mexico '82 midfielder's 12-minute cameo against Tadcaster Albion in the Northern Counties East was uneventful next to the previous 78 minutes he spent shivering on the bench, clad in wooly hat and gloves, with his greying beard and fuller figure making him resemble Marvin Gaye during the soul man's bizarre 1981 exile in Belgium.
The great man might have come on in time for to take a penalty, but, admitted Garforth manager/Svengali Simon Clifford, he'd left his shin pads in the dressing room. Undaunted by the experience, Clifford went on to sign Careca and make approaches for Cafu and Romario. Pele must be gutted not to have got the shout.
79. FC United of Manchester formed (14/5/2005)
A splendid two fingers to the Glazers, rebel Manchester United fans' decision to turn their back on the 'brand' and form their own club may be considered foolish self-aggrandisement by Sir Alex Ferguson but looks increasingly vindicated as the Ronaldo cash disappears down their swirling plughole of debt.
It's still a strange feeling to arrive at Manchester's Piccadilly Station on a Saturday for a City match to find the concourse studded with red and white in the sea of blue; surely, you think, we can't both be playing at home on the same day. Then the realisation dawns: These are FC fans, heading to Bury's Gigg Lane to watch their club. Good luck to them.
78. Arsenal are Invincible... just (15/5/2004)
Not just the incredible achievement itself, which included memorabvle wins at Stamford Bridge and Anfield, but the manner in which it was finally achieved. With 37 undefeated games in the bag, the stylish Gunners turned wonderfully skittish as the finish line neared and went behind to a header from old boy Paul Dickov after 26 minutes of a first half which ended with Leicester playing keep-ball and their fans chanting "ole" with every pass.
But a lumbering Frank Sinclair foul on Ashley Cole early in the second half gave away a penalty and after Thierry Henry slotted home the result and record were never in doubt - although whoever had placed a fate-tempting advert for DVDs of "Arsenal's record-breaking season" in the matchday programme must have stayed damp-trousered until the final whistle.
77. Paul Robinson and the Croatia clod (11/10/2006)
"The worst goal you'll ever see England concede," said Clive Tyldesley, and he did have a point. This was a disaster straight out a Curb Your Enthusiasm script - the bouncing backpass on a bumpy pitch, the divot, the comedy air-kick from the doomed Paul Robinson and, with expert comic timing, the image of Borat flashing up on the sponsors' hoardings behind the keeper as the ball rolled into the net.
76. Claudio Ranieri and the sharks (4/5/2004)
Having tactically blundered in the Champions League semi-final first leg against Monaco, Chelsea's genial coach had informed told that he would be sacked even if he managed to overturn a 3-1 deficit and go on to win the final. Oddly, this news seemed to brighten Ranieri considerably and his pre-match presser before the second leg was a classic of its type.
Opening with a cheery, "hello my sharks, welcome to the funeral", Claudio teased his inquisitors about his fate and the imminent arrival of Jose Mourinho, asking "Will a win change anything? Come on, my friend! My destiny is already decided. A few weeks ago, I didn't know the name of the new coach. Now I do. And the winner is..."
Adding, brilliantly, "I don't want to put myself out of Chelsea, but I AM out. Then again, I am still in", Ranieri concluded in style with a word for the press: "You do a good job. First, you kill me then you call me this fantastic man. I should buy you all an espresso."
75. Watford concede the ghost goal to Reading (20/09/2008)
Young referee Stuart Atwell hails from Nuneaton and no doubt loses his appetite every time he watches this horror. Quite simply the most absurd decision of the decade wasn't even down to him, but to assistant Nigel Bannister, who insisted a rebound from John Eustace had crossed the line when in fact it had a) gone two yards wide and b) not even crossed into touch.
A gobsmacking blunder which enraged Hornets manager Aidy Boothroyd even more than the pre-season moment when his elaborate and expensive headset, designed to let him mastermind proceedings from the top of the Vicarage Road stands, began picking up emergency messages from the general hospital next door in the manner of Nigel Tufnell in Spinal Tap.
74. Taxi for Holloway! (30/08/2003)
A few years ago I spent an entire Plymouth Argyle matchday with Ian Holloway, arriving at his residence just as he finished his breakfast of a huge Cornish pastie. Over the next few hours, Holloway clowned around, wearing joke glasses and showing off his giant 'King Kong gloves' but also displayed meticulous preparation for that day's game and keen tactical acumen to go with his obvious motivational skills.
As we were going down the tunnel from the dressing room, Holloway's sideman Des Bulpin pulled me over. "He wants you to think he's daft," said the former Spurs youth coach, "but you should know he'd one of the cleverest men I've ever met in football."
It was a couple of days after Hallowe'en and I had no time to think about this comment when I turned left to the Plymouth bench to be greeted by the sight of one of the cleverest men in football, wearing a giant witch's hat emblazoned with silver stars and moons, sticking two thumbs up at me. "Oright boy?" he said.
In short, Holloway might be putting it on a bit, but who's arguing when you get quotes like these after a routine but ugly QPR win against Chesterfield: To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee."
73. Adebayor's celebration against Arsenal (12/9/2009)
The ugly stamp on Robin van Persie? Indefensible. The spontaneous 90-yard celebratory run from a man previously thought about as excitable as Dmitar Berbatov? Unwise but hardly unjustified given the 15 months of abuse Adebayor had taken from Arsenal fans. The FA appeared to think so too as they pardoned his Usain Bolt moment with a slap on the wrist.
Perhaps that's why there was no FA comeback for Arsenal over the banana thrown on the pitch or van Persie screaming "f*** off, f*** off, f*** you" at City fans after scoring the equaliser. And Adebayor? If only he'd have run as fast or as far ever since...
72. Keown v Ruud (21/9/2003)
Recent transfer rumours linking Ruud van Nistelrooy with Arsenal were laughed off by Arsene Wenger but must have already seemed bizarre to anyone watching on this September afternoon.
The Gunners disliked United's Dutch striker for getting away with a stamp on Martin Keown, who was red-carded and fined for his reaction. They liked him even less when, in their eyes, van Nistelrooy got Patrick Vieira sent off after 81 minutes at Old Trafford, then lined up to take a dubious penalty awarded against Keown for a push on Diego Forlan.
But what happened after van Nistelrooy's miss was extraordinary: Lauren appearing to tread on his ankle, Ashley Cole barging into him and Ray Parlour seeming to crack him in the ribs. But the abiding memory: pictures of Keown looming above his adversary like a deranged Batman before smacking him around the head. Said Keown: "I rang my wife after the game, and she's usually very supportive, but she said 'I think you've gone and done it now'. It was the first time she'd ever said anything like that."
71. Fergie unretires (5/2/2002)
As a Manchester City fan, I've long been reconciled to the idea of us not winning a major trophy again in my lifetime. But it would make me slightly happier were Manchester United were not to win so many.
During the 1990s I predicted the United apocalypse on several occasions. Surely the loss of Hughes, Ince and Kanchelskis would end in disaster? Surely Eric Cantona's retirement would see the whole deck of cards collapse? Surely Peter Schmeichel retiring would end their defensive invincibility? The false dawns came and went, replaced only by more darkness.
Yet the ultimate was the long-declared retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson at the end of the 2001/2002 season. Excellently, United had already started playing badly and we sat back, rubbing hands, to await the next Wilf McGuinness or Frank O'Farrell. Then the old bugger called it off, apparently after being woken from a mid-afternoon sofa snooze to find his wife standing above him, with her sons behind him, saying: “You’re not retiring. We’ve decided.”
It was as if, following her "we're leaving Downing Street after 11 wonderful years speech", Thatcher had ordered the limo to pull a U-turn and declared: "I'm going to give it another decade."
Rooney, Foe, Collymore, Loos: The 100 most shocking football moments of the decade, numbers 100-91
Friday: Barton's punch, Gary Neville's celebration and Wenger v Pardew: Shocking moments no: 70-61
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