Top 10 things we've learned from football this week

Published 16:40 03/09/10

Top-10-things-we've-learned-from-football-this-week

It was the week that Tony Blair completed his journey just as that other misunderstood martyr Javier Mascherano started his. But what have we learned, asks MirrorFootball's Dan Silver?

1) 'Arry ain't so 'appy after an 'ammering
The best video on the web by some distance this week was Harry Redknapp's indignant - and NSFW - reaction to being called a wheeler dealer by a hapless Sky Sports hack following Spurs' shock 1-0 defeat to Wigan last weekend. A stance not in any way undermined by Harry's subsequent last-minute deadline day signing of Rafael van der Vaart, complete with allegations of lying about the circumstances by Real Madrid sports director Miguel Pardeza . Not undermined at all.

2) We're more excited about the arrival of Sylvie van der Vaart than Rafael
The second best video on the web this week is this mind-mangling clip of said Tottenham signing's wife Sylvie van der Vaart brushing her teeth . We never thought we'd have to slap a disclaimer on such a seemingly innocent-sounding clip, but as one of @MirrorFootball 's Twitter followers @nickcres complained: "Dammit man- put a NSFW warning on that, I think ive had an under-desk accident".

3) Transfer deadline day ain't what what it used to be
We're still struggling to work out what was the lowest point of Sky Sports News' desperate attempt to whip up some deadline day fervour: the hyperbolic coverage of Eidur Gudjohnsen being shown around Stoke's training ground (THIS IS HAPPENING NOW!) or their feverish fascination with Ryan Babel's chopper. Frankly, Freeview subscribers moaning about the channel's recent disappearance from the service don't know how lucky they really are.

4) Would the last person in England to understand the rules please turn out the light, pt I
The only thing less exciting than transfer deadline day was the mind-numbing 25-man squad day that followed it. After being promised a cataclysmic cull of Premier League stars, the only revelations of any note were that a) nobody really understood how the bloody thing worked, and b) you know you're a crock when Owen Hargreaves makes the cut and you don't .

5) Would the last person in England to understand the rules please turn out the light, pt II
Wouldn't it have been a good idea if someone had checked whether Mikel Arteta was actually eligible to play for England before debating whether he should or shouldn't ad nauseum? Next week: Fernando Torres, Lionel Messi and Ferenc Puskas also rule themselves out of England race.

6) A football team is like a piano...
You need eight men to carry it and three who can play the damn thing. So said the incomparable Bill Shankly , whose 97th birthday it would have been on Thursday of this week. What a shame, then, that the current owners of Liverpool couldn't find a piano with both hands . And a map. And the light on.

7) Jack Wilshere is the new Steven Gerrard
How apt that the FA chose to feature the Arsenal prodigy in their new England kit campaign in the same week that the he was involved in a 3am nightclub bust-up . The likes of John Terry, Steven Gerrard and Ashley Cole can now sleep safely knowing the future of the Three Lions is in safe hands.

8) Life's a bitch
Talking of the lovable left-back, the big news from the Chelsea man's 'dignified' divorce settlement was that Cheryl got custody of the dogs. Still at least with Chelsea he might get to win-a-lot...

9) Arsene Wenger is a try-er
It was a bit rich of the Arsenal boss to describe Stoke as a 'rugby team' , After all, he's the one attempting to win the league without a goalkeeper...

10) Kieron Dyer is back, back, back!
Full-time physio room inspector and occasional footballer Kieron Dyer was banned from driving this week after being caught speeding . The most surprising aspect of this story is that the West Ham star didn't break down 15 minutes after setting off on his journey...

What have you learned this week? Let us know by leaving a comment below...

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