Joleon Lescott: the solution - a celebrity death match between Mark Hughes and David Moyes
With the Joleon Lescott will he/won't he move to Manchester City saga reaching Ronaldo-esque proportions of nauseating tedium it is clear that there is only one way to resolve the impasse.
Put Mark Hughes and David Moyes in a ring and let them slug it out.
Tell them to sort it out mano a mano, with Lescott the prize.
If Moyes wins, he gets to keep his man.
If Hughes lands the knockout blow, the defender is his in exchange for a fat cheque for £22million.
But who would win such an epic struggle?
The contest would certainly generate a sell-out crowd at Eastlands (Goodison Park would be too small) where Hughes would enjoy the advantage of home support and some expert coaching from Ricky Hatton.
If this season is anything to go by, Hughes would get off to the better start, too, landing the first heavy blow.
Moyes, meanwhile, would struggle with his defence early on and find himself powerless to prevent his opponent from knocking him down six times.
The Scotsman would then get penalised for hitting Hughes after the bell, arguing that where Hughes is concerned he never hears a ringing sound .
In the end, though, the man from Partick would win through, due to his sheer bloody-mindedness.
Taking advantage of Sparky's tired footwork he would send the Welshman sprawling to the canvas, before turning to the crowd and crying: "Jo-leon..."
Who would win a fight between Moyes and Hughes? Sign in below and let us know...
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