Bobby Gould, Paul Merson, Alan Brazil, and Jamie Redknapp star in our Daft Quotes Of The Year

By 3pm

Published 13:27 19/12/09

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It's been a vintage year for gaffes, with the arrival of Bobby Gould on Talksport providing hours of merriment. Only today - Saturday 19th December - I heard him lead a discussion of Wolves playing their reserve team at Old Trafford with the words, "I've been a friend of Mike McCarthy for years and Mike thinks he's done the right thing". Mike!

Anyway, enjoy this selection of Daft Quotes from my 3PM column in 2009 and don't forget to email any more you hear to me at steve.anglesey@mirror.co.uk.

THE PUMPKIN PATCH

"I'm what they call a country pumpkin" - BOBBY GOULD

"The papers are portraying Rafa as a parrot, just like they did when they showed Graham Taylor as an onion" - BOBBY GOULD

"Is John Motson still wearing his shepherdskin coat?" - BOBBY GOULD

"It's a case of 'if it ain't broken, I'll fix it'" - BOBBY GOULD

"He hit me but I had been winding him up, so I got my just deserve" - BOBBY GOULD

"The money footballers earn today is incredulous" - BOBBY GOULD

"Newcastle need a chief scout who is in unicism with the management" - BOBBY GOULD

"Arsene Wenger is sitting on the hot chair" - BOBBY GOULD

"Bob Lord was well reputated within the game" - BOBBY GOULD

THERE'S AN AWFUL LOT OF COCK-UPS IN BRAZIL

"I didn't see the England game live, but I did see the headlights" - ALAN BRAZIL

"I wouldn't touch Chimbonda with a barn door" -ALAN BRAZIL

"In their last four Blackburn have lost 3-0, 3-1, 5-3 and 3-2. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out that's 12 goals conceded" - ALAN BRAZIL

"Spurs fans are feeling very boyish about the future" - ALAN BRAZIL

"Scotland have this habit of kicking themselves in the foot" - ALAN BRAZIL

"If I were Niall Quinn I'd try to get someone in ESP" - ALAN BRAZIL

MERSE'S KILLERS

"Liverpool have just rolled the last bit of dice" - PAUL MERSON

"For this game only, Burnley won't change their style of play. And for certain other games too" - PAUL MERSON

"When defenders get ran at they're not as great as what they are" - PAUL MERSON

"They're lacking that real streak of bang" - PAUL MERSON

LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON

"In his youth, Michael Owen was literally a greyhound" - JAMIE REDKNAPP

"Bobby Moore used to have his suits manicured" - JAMIE REDKNAPP

"David Bentley has got balls - and plenty of them" - HARRY REDKNAPP

"This new ball literally explodes off the player's foot" - JAMIE REDKNAPP

"I couldn't even put into words what I thought of the ref's performance. But this guy was scary, poor and made a mess of the game" - HARRY REDKNAPP

"That's Arsenal. They're either brilliant or inconsistent" - JAMIE REDKNAPP

CANDID KAMARA

"Manchester City are defending like beavers" - CHRIS KAMARA

"Tackling is a dying heart" - CHRIS KAMARA

"Alex McLeish has just had his hands in his head" - CHRIS KAMARA

"Tense and nervous are not the words, though they are the words" - CHRIS KAMARA

PARRY ON REGARDLESS

"Morten Gamst Pedersen should be given a posthumous red card" - MIKE PARRY

"The England game was a bit of a damp squid" - MIKE PARRY

"Jo has become a national hero on half of Merseyside" - MIKE PARRY

"Man City have put a spanner in the waves" - MIKE PARRY

AND THE REST...

"Gillingham were in a rockety situation" - DAVE BASSETT

"A game played behind closed doors is not worth watching" - GRAHAM TAYLOR

"The great players have a set of golf clubs in their feet" - KEVIN KEEGAN

"That looked worse than it appeared" - DAVID PLEAT

"If you don't score at this level, unfortunately you aren't going to get a win" - STEVE BRUCE

"Preston have an overpass in the middle of the pitch" - STEVE COTTERILL

"The status quo remains the same" - MICK McCARTHY

"Sam Allardyce should learn a bit of humidity" - JOHNNY GILES

"We played on a hot day and I was sweating profoundly" - MICK QUINN

"Grimsby could drop out of the league and go into obliviation"- RONNIE IRANI

"The Old Firm derby never disappoints, but I've been disappointed with the game today" - CHARLIE NICHOLAS

"The title is still on the cards until it's off the cards" - FRANK LAMPARD

"He's had major knee surgery on his knees" - RONNIE IRANI

"Tiredness is an easy excuse but I won't use it. Today wasn't Andrew Surman's best game but he's suffering from fatigue like a lot of our players" - MARK WOTTE

"Some of Spurs' best players were illegible for the UEFA Cup" - GARY MABBUTT

"Gary Cahill's not Rio Ferdinand or John Terry... he's not of that elk" - RONNIE IRANI

"Ronaldo has got 10 goals already, and I expect him to get into double figures" -ANDY RITCHIE

"That is the 64 dollar question" - LEIGHTON JAMES

"To think of John Terry leaving is unthinkable" - JASON CUNDY

"At this stage of the season it's not just about improving, it's about getting better" - RAY PARLOUR

"West Ham either win or lose - they've won 5, lost 5 and drawn 1" - JOHN SALAKO

"Spurs have got a few illegible players for the UEFA Cup" - GARY MABBUTT

"Craig Bellamy's got pace, but he's also rapid as well" - DAVID PLATT

"When I think of Sheffield Wednesday, the first name that comes to mind is always Lee Hurst. Sorry, David Hirst" - MICKEY QUINN

"The zip on the pitch is very zippy" - DAVID PLEAT

"No matter how much you're expecting it, the sack is still unexpected" - JASON McATEER

"They wear their hearts on their shirts" - STEVE BULL

"It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience and hopefully I can repeat it on Saturday" - KETTERING'S ALFIE POTTER

"David Villa is the spare head of the Valencia attack" - TERRY GIBSON

"It's 1-0 to United but they really should be ahead" - IAIN DOWIE

"As far as I am concerned there has been no contact with Tottenham, and I know that as I spoke to Harry Redknapp" - SAM ALLARDYCE

"I'll reminisce but I'll try not to look back at things" - JOEL PORTER

"There is a saying in refereeing, 'You'll never see a racehorse refereeing a match" - GRAHAM POLL

"It would have been an unbelievable goal if he'd even managed to hit the target, let alone score" ALAN McINALLY

"Ukraine haven't enjoyed much joy" - TONY JONES

"Sir Alex Ferguson ceases to amaze me as a manage" - TONY CASCARINO

"I love listening to games on the radio... you can't see what's going on" - ANDY TOWNSEND

"You can hear the hush of expectancy buzzing round the ground" - COLIN MURRAY

"You can't beat everyone up all the time with the same brush"� - STEVE CLARIDGE

"United may only get three or four chances against you but they can end up scoring three, four or even five from them" - CLARK CARLISLE

"The lack of spirit that's been missing was there today"� - TREVOR FRANCIS

"If you get players on who can unlock the door, sooner or later they'll break that door down" - TIM SHERWOOD

"In the end we lost a bad third goal because of an individual error by the goalkeeper but I'm not going to point the finger of blame at anyone for that" - FALKIRK'S JOHN HUGHES

"We've got to continue to start winning" - CARLOS EDWARDS

"Robbie Keane was like the cat that got the cheese"� - STAN COLLYMORE

"Andy Johnson was literally banjoed out of the game" - ROY HODGSON

"There's only a limited number of places in the top six" - MICKY QUINN

"There's no if, buts or maybes, but Robbie Keane should have scored" - ANDY GRAY

"United have got Carrick, Scholes, Giggs, Owen Hargreaves to come back, and then of course there's Benny Andersson" - MICKY QUINN

"Coming up we'll speak to Coventry chairman Ray Ranson at the Rioja Arena..." - RONNIE IRANI

"It's like he had Teflon in his gloves... the ball stayed stuck in them" - MARTIN FISHER

"Tony Adams and Niall Quinn were like Little And Large, although they were the same height" - DAVID O'LEARY

"They need someone to unlock the key to the door"� - STEVE FROGGATT

"If Wenger is still here next year and Arsenal haven't won any trophies, will he still be here?" - STEVE CLARIDGE

"Palacios has kicked the ball out of touch" - DAVE BASSETT

"If you think about it, running forms a large part of training and playing for any footballer" - DEAN ASHTON

"Sunderland edged the game by a long, long way for me" - KEVIN KEEGAN

"If we do not concede we will go away from the game with at least a point" - JOHNNY EVANS

"I'm not surprised, but it is surprising" - GLENN HODDLE

"Liverpool have played with no real convention" - RAY HOUGHTON

"Since I arrived at the club I've been walking around with my slippers on, but now the gloves are off" - JOHN HUGHES

"Nani has hard shoes to follow" - CHRIS WADDLE

"Wales were thrown to the lambs in Azerbaijan" - JOHN TOSHACK

"The ambition of an England manager should be to become England manager" - GRAHAM TAYLOR

"We're going to be like Harlem Globetrotters over the next week or so.. a trip to Norwich followed by one to Orient" - TRANMERE'S LES PARRY

"I've got four words for you: Coppell for QPR. Hang on, that's not right. I'll check it... six words" - RONNIE IRANI

"The tension is palatable" - MATT JACKSON

"My heart was in my hands" - RICKY SBRAGIA

"Michael Owen could be Sir Alex's best ever buy, even though he didn't buy him" - GLENN HODDLE

"When you said your team-mates had to believe, did they believe you that they had to believe?" ANDY BURTON

"Adebayor wants to leave and you just can't have that, so he has to go" - PHIL THOMPSON

"Phil Brown was flavour of the month last year" - IAN HOLLOWAY

"Tributes are still pouring in for the late Sir Robbie Bobson" - SKY SPORTS NEWSREADER

"Sunderland could rub salt in Newcastle's faces" - GRAHAM COURTNEY

"He's nearly decapitated the bloke's head off" - MICKY QUINN

"For Iceland there is no such thing as a must-win game, but this is a must-win game" - EIDUR GUDJOHNSEN

"If there's one thing Burnley have got it's team spirit and organisation" - MATT LE TISSIER

"If we hide behind cliches we'll be dead and buried" - FALKIRK'S DARREN BARR

"Pepe Reina must be tearing his hair out" - GRAEME SOUNESS

"Ricardo Fuller's pulled a genie out of the bag" -TONY PULIS

"There are only three words you can say after a goal like that, 'Take a bow, son'" - ANDY GRAY

"Terry Venables looks younger with his little goatee... he's defining time" - PAUL MILLER

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