Fergie's travel rants, the worst mascot in the world and the real reason Gordon Strachan got the Middlesbrough manager's job

By 3pm

Published 18:56 08/11/09

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Sir Alex Ferguson railed against unnecessary mid-season jaunts to the Gulf this week, describing England's trip to Qatar next Saturday as a "coach's nightmare" and a "thorn in everyone's flesh".

Wonder what he'll think of Ryan Giggs, Gary Neville and other United players jetting out to Dubai this week on a jolly backed by Arsenal sponsors Emirates?

Piggy fascist Nick Griffin was exposed as a hard-of-thinking dolt on Question Time last month, but others of his vile ilk are a little more creative.

Witness the Rapid Vienna fan banned for three years this week after being photographed giving a Nazi salute during a game.

He told police he had "merely been pointing out a rare Peregrine Falcon to a friend".

Lyon may top Liverpool's Champions League group but they're bottom of the league when it comes to mascots. Says an observer: "I think it was supposed to be a lion but it was just a bloke in T-shirt and jeans with a pair of furry slippers on and a thing on his head that looked like a scruffy woolly hat. He just stood there shuffling his feet - without question the most pathetic attempt at a mascot I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, Anfield regulars wondering about the bulky, Red-shirted mascot seen entertaining children with his hilarious antics during the past few matches have been informed that it is, in fact, Andriy Voronin.

Randy Lerner might be viewed as a Messiah by Aston Villa fans but back in Cleveland he's about as popular as Mike Ashley is in Newcastle.

Credit card tycoon Lerner has presided over a season of disaster at the NFL's Browns and faces online petitions begging him to sell the club, a Kevin Keegan-style £2million lawsuit from sacked general manager George Kokinis and player unrest with hardline coach Eric Mangini.

Most embarrassing is a planned fan boycott of Cleveland's nationally televised Monday night game against Baltimore next week which will see supporters staying away from their seats until after kick-off as a protest against Lerner, who some see as neglecting the Browns in favour of Villa.

The Gordon Strachan era at Middlesbrough has failed to start with a bang - so much so that cruel fans are speculating the only reason wee Gordie replaced Gareth Southgate was that Steve Gibson couldn't afford to throw out his 'GS' training gear...