Bale is the donkey king, plus wrong number for Black Cats
Does Gareth Bale play so well in Europe because he looks like the jug-eared Champions League trophy?
Or is his non-stop energy something to do with his resemblance to video game character Donkey Kong... and if so, will he get a hammering when he comes up against Manchester City's Super Mario Balotelli?
Thanks to Liam Baxendale for the spot.
Sunderland changed their ticket office numbers the day after their 5-1 defeat at Newcastle last weekend.
Perhaps not coincidentally, as the old numbers were 0191 551 5151 (phone) and 0191 551 5150 (fax).
Meanwhile Steve Bruce's criticism of Newcastle's etiquette directly after their of their stunning win last week - as highlighted first in this column last Monday, the Geordies played 'Daydream Believer' at top volume so fans could scoff at the "sad Mackem b******s" - have clearly made a big impression on Mike Ashley.
The Geordies have rushed out a line of 'Demolition Derby' merchandise, featuring a mug, scarf, DVD and print, and are pondering a line of T-shirts too.
Which Premier League star smashed up his manager's office after being refused a substantial advance on his enormous wages?
Steve Anglesey's 3PM Annual: The Stupidest Football Book Ever is out now! Buy a discount copy at http://amzn.to/bJoj4O