Bale is the donkey king, plus wrong number for Black Cats

Does Gareth Bale play so well in Europe because he looks like the jug-eared Champions League trophy?

Or is his non-stop energy something to do with his resemblance to video game character Donkey Kong... and if so, will he get a hammering when he comes up against Manchester City's Super Mario Balotelli?

Thanks to Liam Baxendale for the spot.

**

Sunderland changed their ticket office numbers the day after their 5-1 defeat at Newcastle last weekend.

Perhaps not coincidentally, as the old numbers were 0191 551 5151 (phone) and 0191 551 5150 (fax).

Meanwhile Steve Bruce's criticism of Newcastle's etiquette directly after their of their stunning win last week - as highlighted first in this column last Monday, the Geordies played 'Daydream Believer' at top volume so fans could scoff at the "sad Mackem b******s" - have clearly made a big impression on Mike Ashley.

The Geordies have rushed out a line of 'Demolition Derby' merchandise, featuring a mug, scarf, DVD and print, and are pondering a line of T-shirts too.

**

WICKED WHISTLE

Which Premier League star smashed up his manager's office after being refused a substantial advance on his enormous wages?

**

Steve Anglesey's 3PM Annual: The Stupidest Football Book Ever is out now! Buy a discount copy at http://amzn.to/bJoj4O

Fancy winning £3,000 for FREE this month? Play Mirror Football Streak for your chance to win cash prizes! Start predicting now!

williamhill.com

Your comments

Latest columnists