"I’m rubbish now," admits Gary Neville, plus bungling Man United target Paul Stretford's house

By 3pm

Published 23:00 21/11/10

• 

Shocking news from Manchester, where it’s been revealed that despite all evidence to the contrary, Gary Neville does have a sense of humour after all.

A United fan was drinking in a local bar and was surprised to see Red Nev having a pint the night before an Old Trafford game.

When she asked if that was OK with Sir Alex, Gary Chuckle replied: “I’m not playing.” And when she asked why, he said: “Not been picked. I was all right ten years ago but I’m rubbish now.”

**

The bungling Manchester United ‘action group’ who mobbed Wayne Rooney’s house demanding that he stay at Old Trafford when he was, erm, already going to stay anyway - have struck again.

Apparently basing their style on the hapless would-be terrorists in comedy film Four Lions, the deluded lads carried out a daring raid on Rooney agent Paul Stretford’s home, throwing stones and other missiles before running away.

Unfortunately, Streford had himself run away some months earlier after splitting up with his wife. He now lives miles away.

**

Steve Anglesey's new book '3PM Annual: The Stupidest Football Book Ever' is available now at http://amzn.to/bJoj4O

Fancy winning £3,000 for FREE this month? Play Mirror Football Streak for your chance to win cash prizes! Start predicting now!