City need a Monopoly recommission, Cheryl's blissful marriage and more

Is it too late for Manchester City to include the great Malcolm Allison on their newly-released version of the Monopoly board game?

Not only would it pay tribute to a legend, but it would give City time to correct the embarrassing error which sees the names of the club's greatest-ever player and manager - Colin Bell and Joe Mercer - placed under the wrong pictures on the set's versions of Park Lane and Mayfair.

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When she's ready to confess to TV's Piers Morgan that the Ashley chat-up line which ensnared her was "hey hotlips, nice bum", you begin to worry for poor Cheryl Cole.

But Chezza's best line on her soon-to-be-ex-hubby before today's divorce has to be, "Apart from the obvious, he never treat us bad."

Which makes you wish she'd worked in the maritime industry 100 years ago and was able to ask bedraggled punters: "Apart from the obvious, how did you enjoy the maiden voyage of the Titanic?"

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Roberto Mancini may have warned his stars about their refuelling habits this week, but Sr Alex Ferguson might need a word with his lot, too. Federico Macheda is a post-match Saturday night regular in an Alderley Edge takeaway where he can be seen stuffing his face with cod and chips.

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WICKED WHISTLE 1

Which Midlands striker's affair with a pop starlet was scuppered when she invited him to visit her in Chicago during the summer but his lack of a Geography GCSE meant he booked tickets to the wrong country?

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WICKED WHISTLE 2

Which top football journalist's Facebook was cruelly hacked to such an extent that he inadvertently messaged an Arsenal bigwig offering them discount Viagra?

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DAFT QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Sammy Lee is another inbred Liverpool player" - DAVID PLEAT

"Rio Ferdinand has reclaimed the captain's armbag from Steven Gerrard" - ALAN BRAZIL

"I hate perception. There's far too much of it in football" - SAM ALLARDYCE

"It's amazing... you come to this ground and it's all man-made" - BOBBY GOULD

"Partizan is a real place to go" - PAUL MERSON

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Steve Anglesey's 3PM Annual: The Stupidest Football Book Ever is available for preorder at amazon.com or http://amzn.to/bJoj4O

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williamhill.com

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