Clattenburg's hair transplant and Micky Quinn's decapitated kneecaps

By 3pm

Published 22:59 01/05/11

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Despite a strong performance from Chris Foy, Mark Clattenburg is 3PM's ref of the week after outing himself as a hair transplant recipient.

The popular Geordie whistler, whose Prince Williamesque bald spot mysteriously disappeared at the start of last season, is appearing in adverts promoting a 'Hair Loss Solution Centre', along with the truly cringe-worthy quote: "The hardest decision to make is to pick up the phone and make that call. But I did, and it changed my life."

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After Mario Balotelli's pulling style was exposed in these pages - he asks a pal to stroll over to pretty girls and tell them "Mr Balotelli would like to see you now" - there's news of a pretender to his throne.

Step forward Newcastle's Danny Simpson, of whom a witness says: "His pick-up technique appears to consist of walking over to a girl and stroking their hair without saying a word."

Let's see him try that with Mark Clattenburg.

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DAFT QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Barcelona play football to die of" - MICKY QUINN

"He decapitated him at the kneecaps" - MICKY QUINN

“A lot of people are jumping on the moral background" - MICKY QUINN

"It definitely would probably have been a pelanty" - CHRIS WADDLE

"He'll probably say his quote was lost in transfusion" - ALAN BRAZIL

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MOST UNFORTUNATE QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"Marlon King is a natural predator" - Bobby Gould

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