Why's Ashley Young diving into the Apple Store? And why's Nick Bendtner off Arsene's Xmas card list?
As rumours of a behind-the-scenes reality show featuring Liverpool FC begin to spread, perhaps the filmmakers could focus one episode on Pepe Reina’s pre-match rituals.
The keeper is obsessed with keeping his car’s petrol tank filled to the brim while he drives to Anfield - even if the fuel gauge already says ‘full’.“I am only at the pump for 20 seconds or so before the tank is full,” he says. “The cashier gives me a bit of a funny look.”
Nicklas Bendtner is clearly not too fussed about playing for Arsene Wenger ever again.
Invited by Danish newspaper EkstraBladet to name the best manager in football, The World’s Greatest Player In His Own Mind opted for none other than Sir Alex Ferguson, saying: “How many millions would I have to pay you to be allowed to come and play for you before you retire?
“Well, we can joke about it but Sir Alex is a true legend as a manager. Respect from the bottom of my heart for everything he has achieved and for what he has done for football in general. There is only one way and that is the Fergie way.”
No doubt Arsene will be impressed…
As the Soccer Saturday team prepare to take to the road for a summer theatre tour, let’s hope ticketholders are given the chance to discuss their pre-season predictions,
Best buy of the season? “Charlie Adam could be a bargain,” beamed Phil Thompson (no he couldn’t).
Worst buy? “Sergio Aguero isn’t value for money,” harrumphed Charlie Nicholas (yes he is).
But who on Earth named the buy of the season to be Charles N’Zogbia, the first manager sacked to be Alan Pardew and the top scorer to be none other than goal machine Fernando Torres?
Naturally, that was Paul ‘Lucky’ Merson…
Now Sir Alex Ferguson has “had a word”, one shop may be seeing less of Manchester United’s Ashley Young.
The Trafford tumbler is a regular at Solihull’s Apple Store, where he has popped up five times in recent weeks, always with the same complaint – his iPad keeps malfunctioning.
Could the problems have been caused by it hitting the deck at the slightest contact?
A couple of Tottenham fans sneaked into the home stands at Loftus Road on Saturday to watch their team beaten by QPR. And as the image in the gallery above shows, they went completely unnoticed…
Kopites are unimpressed after basketball star LeBron James – who owns a stake in the Anfield club – launched a range of ‘Liverpool’ trainers featuring a rather sickly-looking Liver Bird.
But at least LeBron’s done better than the Junhuang Leather company (in the gallery above), whose logo looks rather familiar – and whose company motto appears to be the inspiring ‘You El Niver Waik Aione’.
Even football hooliganism appears to have moved on in the modern era.
Thirty years ago, fans attending games were searched for iron bars and knives. But last Tuesday, fans having a pre-match coffee in the Stamford Bridge Starbucks were told they could not have their skinny lattes in a mug, lest they used it as a weapon against visiting supporters from Barcelona.
DAFT QUOTES OF THE WEEK
"Fulham haven't had a shot on target yet, which is probably why they aren't in the goals” – TONY COTTEE
"The keeper got there before the onrushing players came... er... rushing in" - PAUL MERSON
"Players can get a bit lacksadaisy" - RAY PARLOUR
"Neither team has really taken the baton by the scruff of the neck and put their stamp on it." -NIGEL WORTHINGTON
"From 12 games he's got 10 wins, two draws and a loss” - BILL O'HERLIHY
"It's all hands to the decks now" - NIALL QUINN
"Mesut Özil could find the needle in a haystack with his sense of smell" - RAY HUDSON
"Wolves are resignated to life in the Championship" - STAN COLLYMORE
ALAN PARTRIDGE OF THE WEEK
Talksport's Sam Matterface on Nani's stunner against Everton: "If this was the 1980's and that goal was a young lady, I think we would have wolf-whistled." A-ha!
WICKED WHISTLE 1
Which long-term injury victim is now fit enough to be enjoying enthusiastic keepy-up sessions with his new girlfriend, a Page 3 model?
WICKED WHISTLE 2
Which star defender and his agent are inseparable – so much so that they are bracing themselves for joint kiss-and-tell revelations from a well-known vice girl?