'Sometimes you want Obertan to open his legs and do something a bit exciting' - Daft quotes of the week

By 3pm

Published 22:00 08/01/12

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Internet encyclopedia Wikipedia can be unreliable.

So we can probably discount the line in the biographical notes for Seth Johnson – famously the subject of vigorous contract negotiations from Leeds’ Peter Ridsdale – which states: “Since 2011 Johnson was working for a well-known pharmaceutical firm as a tester for over-the-counter laxatives.”

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WICKED WHISPER

Which Merseyside WAG surprised her husband by turning up to his pre-Christmas drink-up in a posh Formby bar… then surprised him even more by vomiting across the dancefloor?

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DAFT QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"It was nice to hear Ray Wilkins speaking so articulate" – MICKY QUINN

"I feel sorry for Wolves at the moment but not sorry for them" - DAVID PLEAT

“Sometimes you want Obertan to open his legs and do something a bit exciting” – ALAN PARDEW

"Fernando Torres needs a new leash of life" – STAN COLLYMORE

"You've got a little spring in your step in your voice" – MICKY QUINN

"It's the changing of the times at Chelsea" – JOE ROYLE

“Fleetwood have a pitch-perfect pitch” – JAMES MASON

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PIES FOR CHANTS

A tray of delicious Pukka Pies goes to the sender of our favourite chant of the week. This week it’s David from Frodsham, who tells us that on Saturday Blackpool serenaded Fleetwood’s bulky skipper Steve McNulty with a chorus of “Who ate all the fish?”

Send the funniest chant you’ve heard at football this week to steve.anglesey@mirror.co.uk, with your name, address and choice of Pukka Pies filling – choose from all-steak, steak and kidney, chicken and mushroom, chicken balti or cheese and onion.

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3PM Pictures: Worst football lookalikes ever and more Talksport ticklers from Alan Brazil

Man United fans graffiti mission goes wrong, plus French respond to Beckham snub  

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