Arsenal fans beware! Introducing the Cescathon™© - (not) coming soon to a Catalan TV screen near you
By Annie Eaves
Published 12:21 15/02/11
FC Barcelona are planning to use the publicity surrounding their Champions League games with Arsenal to help them with the noble quest to sign Cesc Fabregas.
With rumours circulating that Real Madrid may be planning a summer move for the star, Barca have been pushed into even stronger action.
Struggling for funds to finance the deal, what with Arsenal wanting double the £30m they are prepared to offer, Barca have done what most noble and moral causes do when faced with a lack of funds: a TV Appeal.
Yes, some of you may have seen this on Catalan TV at the weekend as normal television schedules were suspended: CESCATHON ™© aims to raise £30 million to add to the £30 million Barca are prepared to pay and will run weekly until the player returns home.
Viewers are softened up with rolling images of Cesc, being kicked in Premier League games, whilst the donation number travels across the bottom of the screen.
Ignacio Cazades of Salou was moved to pledge his life savings, saying ‘I just couldn’t sleep if I knew I did nothing to ease his suffering.’ Unfortunately for CESCATHON ™©, Ignacio was a modest sardine fisherman and his savings amounted to €274.43.
Like all good TV appeals, a CESCATHON™© charity song is due to be released in between the two legs of the upcoming Champions League tie. The Barca squad recorded the single themselves. It’s an adaptation of ‘The Best Around’ (a song made made famous again when ' funnyman' James Corden sung it to Wayne Rooney in that 'hilarious' Sport Relief clip ) and the chorus goes :
You’re the best, You’re Cesc
Nothing’s gonna stop you coming home
You’re the best, You’re Cesc
We’re doing all we can and we’ll get you home
In what appears to be a desperate twist, Carlos Puyol promised to shave off his locks and have the refrain tattooed in Catalan across his scalp if somebody pledges more than Ignacio the fisherman. Unconfirmed news suggested that the whole of Spain clubbed together to raise the entire £30m should David Villa shave off that tuft of fur underneath his bottom lip, but he refused.
Unbowed, Dani Alves is going on a sponsored hunger strike starting when the next transfer window opens. Josep Guardiola and the Barcelona Fitness Department have already put their names down for large sums should he keep it up.
The club are also launching a dedicated Ebay site where fans will be able to bid for Barca items and know the money will go direct to CESCATHON™©. Items on offer will include signed shirts, memorabilia, Javier Mascherano, and tickets to watch games at the Nou Camp.
So Arsenal fans, beware: FC Barcelona are out to get your man.
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