If football clubs want to get ahead, they need to get a better nickname

By David Anderson

Published 08:30 04/11/09

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What do Luton, Bradford, Charlton, Southampton and Norwich all have in common?

They are all former top-flight clubs with embarrassing nicknames who have tumbled down the divisions.

Coincidence? I think not.

Take Luton. Just how much fear do you strike in your opponents when you're called the Hatters?

Worse still, some of their fans used to wear straw boaters to matches, which really must have terrified the opposition.

The Bantams, the Addicks, the Saints, the Canaries - all rubbish nicknames.

And what about the Robins? How can one of the true sleeping giants of the English game ever wake from their Rip Van Winkle state when they have such a cute and fluffy name?

When I was young, the Robins was the name given to the kiddies in the youth organisation the Boys' Brigade, whose motto was the blood-curdling 'The Robins are always cheerful'.

Look at Peterborough - rival fans must quiver in fear at the prospect of facing Posh.

Let's be honest, the only person scared of Posh is David Beckham.

To back up my half-baked theory, look at the top of the Premier League and you've got the Red Devils and the Gunners slugging it out for the title.

Those are proper nicknames, suggesting evilness, warfare and wickedness - things sure to put the willies up your rivals.

I think the likes of Bradford and Charlton should take a leaf out of rugby's book and try a bit of rebranding.

We've got the Wigan Warriors, the Bradford Bulls, the Widnes Vikings, the Leeds Rhinos, the Leicester Tigers and the Sale Sharks.

All nasty, in-your-face nicknames, which straight away let their opponents know they are in for a real battle.

Football clubs could take this a step further and perhaps Charlton could be nicknamed the sure-to-eat-you-alive Great Whites and Southampton the even-more-spiteful-than-that-Orca-who-ate Richard Harris Orca Killer Whales.

Liverpool could do with a lift at the moment and perhaps they should ditch their plain-old Reds and go for something like the Ninja SAS licensed to kill Warriors.

Certainly, the way Rafa Benitez's side are playing, it may be worth a go.