If footballers were cars Wayne Rooney would be a Ford Ka and Ryan Giggs would be a Jaguar E Type

By David Anderson

Published 11:34 18/11/09

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And now for something completely irrelevant.

If players were cars, which ones would they be?

Wayne Rooney would have to be a Ford Ka. After all, it was his first car when he learnt to drive and he loved it so much, he's named his first born after it.

Steven Gerrard would be a Hackney taxi cab because he's spent his whole Liverpool career carrying people.

Ryan Giggs would be a Jaguar E type because of the way he appreciates with age.

David James would be one of those circus clown cars with all the bits that fall off because he is so error prone.

In fact, thinking about it, all of England goalkeepers would be clown cars. And to think that the English used to laugh at Scottish goalkeepers.

Javier Mascherano would be a Mini Cooper, small, but perfectly formed.

I'm tempted to say that would make Lucas a Trabant. But that's unfair, Trabants weren't that bad. Maybe a Talbot Solara or Austin Princess would be more apt.

The rugged Kevin Davies would be a Hummer, as would Nemanja Vidic, although his would be one of those US army ones from Afghanistan.

Phil Neville would be one of those versatile Vauxhall Merivas which can switch from being a people carrier to van with a massive boot.

Michael Ballack could only be a huge, top of the range BWM 7 series.

Frank Lampard would be a Ford Mondeo. Scoffed at by many, but never lets you down.

John Terry would be one of those Cherokee Jeeps with bull bars because he never takes prisoners.

Rio Ferdinand would be a Peugeot 206 GTi. A winner when it first came out, but now looking its age.

Micah Richards would be a suped-up Ford Escort with go-faster strips, furry dice and huge alloys, which doesn't live up to first impressions.

Nicolas Anelka and Theo Walcott would be Subaru Imprezas and pity any defender trying to catch either of those two.

Robbie Keane would be a racy Golf GTi 2.0 with low-profile tyres.

And Peter Crouch? He could only be a stretch limo.