Revealed: Find out what was said in the secretly taped England team meetings

By David Anderson

Published 10:31 10/03/10

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MirrorFootball can reveal why the FA are so keen to suppress publication of the secretly-taped England team meetings.

We have heard part of the clandestine recordings made at the England HQ at the posh Grove hotel in Hertfordshire and the conversations between Fabio Capello and his players go right to the heart of the team's problems.

(A door opens and footsteps are heard)

Fabio Capello: "Good afternoon everyone and before we start, can I check that everyone's wife or partner - past or present - is outside the 100-mile exclusion zone from John Terry? Yes? Excellent.

"I think we should start by acknowledging that Ashley Cole's best position is left back - left back on the shelf!"

(There is a muffled sound as Capello lifts his top to reveal a T-shirt with some words on it)

"I'm part of Team Cheryl!," says Capello.

(Put on laughter from the players and then a voice from the front is heard)

"Please boss, can I wash your car afterwards or do you need any messages doing?"

Capello: "John, how many times do I have to tell you? You won't be captain again."

Terry: "But with Rio injured I thought....."

Capello bursts into song: "His name is Rio and he always sits in the stands, but he's still my captain of Eng-er-land."

(More strained laughter from the players)

Terry: "But boss, Toni has helped me make this new armband as a sign of our undying love for each other."

(Terry presents it to Capello)

Capello: "John, it says caption, not captain."

Terry: "What? Oh no, she's done me cold."

Capello: "Listen, John, it's no good. I've already decided who is going to captain the team against Egypt. Steven Gerrard will do it. I can't understand a word he says, but he is mature and is a good leader. Plus he's never slept with any of Wayne Bridge's ex-birds.

"Which brings me to who's going to play left-back...."

(Leighton Baines and Stephen Warnock suddenly perk up)

Capello: "It's..."

(In walks Stuart Pearce)

"What!!!!" cry Baines and Warnock in unison.

Capello: "After careful thought I've decided that Psycho is still England's best left-back. Age is no barrier and Paolo Maldini played for Milan until he was 88. Plus he is the only one of you who genuinely laughs at my jokes.

"Until tomorrow, arrivederci."

Gerrard pipes up: "Well, you heard him, lads, we must arrive early tomorrow."

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