Matt Lawrence's diary of a lower-league footballer: Knees, needles and over-nights in Knutsford

By Matt Lawrence

Published 16:00 12/12/11

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Matt Lawrence has played for seven league clubs - including Fulham, Crystal Palace and Millwall, for whom he appeared in the 2004 FA Cup final - during his 16-year career. Now with League Two Gillingham, his diary will appear on MirrorFootball every Monday.

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Monday, 5th December
With the weekend off due to my suspension, I was slightly perturbed that my left knee decided to swell up increasingly the more I relaxed.

Now, this has been a problem since pre-season that normally requires a blow to exacerbate the swelling. This may now be slightly more serious if it starts swelling as I put my legs up watching Football Focus, or the like.

I went into training today feeling a little bit sheepish that I would have to spend a day in the treatment room.

Luckily, I had phoned ahead and because the medical staff knew of the problem previously I wasn’t treated like too much of a leper.

Thank goodness no-one could pin the blame on me falling down a nightclub fire-escape, or some such problem that has befallen a few footballers with the weekend off.

The club doctor was due to come into the club tomorrow, so it was decided that ice and rest was the best form of action for today.

Tomorrow we would decide on a more definitive plan.

…………….

This evening I went to watch Fionn Regan at Hanbury Ballrooms. (Don’t worry physio staff - I could sit down with my leg out-stretched).

Totally beautiful surroundings, for such a talented singer-songwriter. With three albums in his back catalogue, every song was a gem.

A fantastic end to a pretty disheartening day.

Tuesday, 6th December
The Doc came in and evaluated my knee. We decided that it was in my best interests to have the fluid on my knee drained and cortisone injected into the inflamed area.

Now, to someone who doesn’t overly enjoy needles, this didn’t sound like a great deal of fun. But, with the problem having spanned a good four or five months, I was up for anything.

With a staff Christmas party taking place this evening I was glad to get medical approval. If anything the extra swelling may aid the ease of the fluid removal.

Before the party could get in full swing I joined Mark Clemmit on The Football League podcast.

As always, it was a pleasure, and it’s great to learn from Clem. The fluidity and eloquence in his speech is something I’m always trying to learn from. His broadcasting seems to come so naturally, but undoubtedly also comes down to a great deal of practice. One day I hope to get close!

The evening's shenanigans at the staff Christmas party whizzed by in a blur of rugby tackles, spilt drinks and picking on the biggest bloke in the team. (Sometimes all three at once!)

Needless to say, as I couldn’t fight my way out of a paper bag, I also spent a great proportion of my evening grovelling to various members of the team.

If only Martin Johnson’s mob had run through tables and leapt chairs to perform last ditch tackles we may have returned home from New Zealand with some silverware.

I like to think that I am a shining beacon of light that the English rugby team can look up to.

Of course, you need to be wearing Chelsea boots, skinny jeans and a blazer to truly replicate my form!

Wednesday, 7th December
As laws and sods go, this was well up there.

After a night of self-abuse, my knee had now returned to it’s natural state (old, hairy and shrivelled – knee, I said!) and the specialist at the hospital couldn’t even tell which was the inflamed knee.

He carried on regardless, though, and performed an ultra-sound scan on my knee.

It was relatively evident that there was a tiny bit of swelling, but nowhere near enough to perform a fluid drain, or to make the cortisone injection particularly beneficial.

Back to square one and the specialist said I should return when my knee had swollen up again.

I passed this information on to the club Doctor, physio and the Gaffer and I was fit and raring to go for tomorrows training session.

I was desperate to get this problem resolved, but the longer I could get away without having an injection the better, I guess.

I spent a couple of hours this evening below the Gherkin in London town.

Now, if you’d seen the way I was dressed, I’d imagine a few of you may have assumed I was either looking for a cardboard box to get my head down, or selling The Big Issue.

I was actually attending a friend's law firm's Christmas drinks party. The leather jacket and jeans combo was slightly out of place and I had to call ahead to be chaperoned into the building for fear of ejection.

Somehow I managed to turn the conversation around from law and insurance to football and indie bands of the mid-90s, so that I could at least temporarily not come across as a complete dimwit!

Thursday, 8th December
Felt great to get back into proper training today.

Spent a good hour in the gym testing my knee and going through a variety of exercises and weight work.

I made sure I put everything into today’s session, as I wanted to be sure in my own head that I was ready for selection for the weekend.

I knew I wouldn’t be in the starting XI because of the lads' great showing last weekend, but I didn’t want to be caught cold on the bench if someone got injured in the first few minutes.

The knee swelled slightly during the tough session, but with ice and elevation straight after, the knee soon returned to near normality.

I was pleased to be able to sit down at the end of the day and know that I was physically and mentally fit to travel with the squad to Macclesfield tomorrow. Job done.

Friday, 9th December
My day started bright and early at Priestfield Stadium as I boarded the bus bound for Macclesfield.

The Gaffer had arranged for us to stop off at Derby County’s training ground for a quick session to break up the long journey.

As we neared Waltham Abbey to pick up a few other members of the squad one of the lads got a call from another team-mate.

Re-arrange these words; always giving a bad stupid one there’s footballers bastard name!

I’m sure you’ve worked it out by now.

A member of our squad - who shall remain nameless - had somehow mis-read Waltham Abbey for Wrotham and was currently sat 45 miles away waiting for the coach.

Well, that brings a new meaning to the terminology skim-reading. He got to the ‘W’ and stopped.

Thank goodness he didn’t do geography in school, or he could have ended up in Warsaw!

That was another 50 quid in the kitty for the lads' Christmas party (£25 for the lateness and £25 for the sheer stupidity). At this rate we’d be partying in Vegas!

The rest of the trip passed relatively uneventfully.

Our training session at DCFC got a little hot-under-the-collar. A few tackles flew in and the Gaffer joined in with a few dubious challenges. Luckily, he was on my side and was also the referee. Yep, of course we won. The oldies always nick it on the day before a game.

The Gaffer was upbeat after the session and told us that was exactly how tomorrow’s game would be: blood and thunder.

And looking at the storm clouds rolling in the latter looked very apt.

Saturday, 10th December
As we awoke in Knutsford to sunshine, we were surprised to learn that our kit man had phoned back and informed us they were clearing snow off the pitch at Macclesfield.

As the team bus wound it’s way slowly from our hotel to the nearby ground we could see how true those words had been.

The skies above grew darker and we could spy snow on yonder hills. It really is grim up North.

The kids were out sun-bathing again back in the South-East! The game, as predicted, was all blood and thunder. Certainly not one for the purists.

As predicted I sat on the bench. You may not have been able to tell – I was the one in the Michelin Man suit and hat and gloves.

I had the “pleasure” of going on for the last half an hour.

I think I kicked the ball twice and headed it 24 times. Thank goodness Macclesfield hadn’t spotted my weaknesses (my left and right feet) and were aiming solely for my one strength (my napper!).

The game finished 0-0 and the referee wore orange. I’m not sure that I’ve missed anything else out of great significance.

Good point, good clean sheet and warm showers. Let’s hit the road!

Sunday, 11th December
After the excitement of yesterday’s game I decided to ramp it up a bit today.

I washed, cleaned, hovered and cooked baked beans on toast. It’s bean (yes, intentional) one helluva weekend.

I’m off to watch tortoise racing after tomorrow’s training session.

Au revoir!

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